Daycare: One Big Mockable Screwjob
My kids go to a daycare a couple of times a week. It comes highly recommended and the kids seem to have an okay time there. Sometimes they come home with papers showing that they attempted to trace a letter here and there. They also send home a calendar that tells what the kids are supposed to have been doing all week. The “teachers” (read babysitters) do their best to pretend that the place is a school, but every time I walk in there, the scene is the same…
Most of the kids are concentrating on whatever it is that the “teacher” is trying to do…then there’s another kid off in the corner eating paste…and another kid in the back of the room beating up a smaller kid and taking their toys…and finally the smelly kid sitting at the table with the other kids, oblivious to whatever’s going on – picking his nose and depositing boogers everywhere.
For this service, I pay about as much as my monthly house payment. And that would be okay if that was all I had to pay. But noooooo!!! I get hit with summer activity fees, a fee for the goddamned clown that is coming to perform (man, do I hate clowns), I pay extra if I want my kid to screw around on a piano keyboard once a week, there’s a surcharge for ‘computer tots” – I’m going friggin’ nuts here.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, they then have the nerve to ask you to bring treats on unofficial holidays…there’s even a sign-up sheet. The last one (St. Patrick’s Day) had us down for a relish tray. A RELISH TRAY? The kid’s five years old – what the hell is she going to do with a relish tray? And the absolute best part (I swear to God I am not making this up) – the sign-up sheet for the Spring party had a space for “Parent Helpers”. That’s right, the place that I plunk down several hundred dollars a month to make sure that someone halfway competent babysits my young children while I work WAS SOLICITING ME TO COME AND BABYSIT MY OWN CHILDREN WHILE I PAID THEM TO BABYSIT!!! Nobody at work even seemed to think that this was odd. These people are brainwashed!! It’s like me paying a hooker to watch me…well, you get it.
Just this morning my daughter’s teacher handed me a green cloth bag. I held it up, checked it over for explosives or whatever and said, “What’s with the bag?” She informed me that it was a ‘treat sack’ and I was officially charged with the task of filling the ‘treat sack’ and bringing it back so that they could have ‘treats’. That’s the last straw. I’m going to take a dump in that sack, take it into the ‘classroom’ and shove it into the lady’s drawers. Then I’m taking my kids out of that place and I’m going to fight each and every person in the building. Then I’ll force open their safe and take my money back. And then I’ll pay a hooker to watch me…sorry. Nevermind. I didn’t really mock anybody there did I? Again, sorry. Maybe next time.