Friday Guest Mock: Secretaries
The second weekly installment of our Guest Mock series is being handled by Taiwan On. Well done, sir!
After reading the piece below, I hope everyone will visit his site, subscribe to his feed, etc. It’s good stuff.
And now for the cruel, cruel mockery….
Yeah, yeah, I know, you are not a secretary. You are an Administrative Assistant. I hope the capital letters and the assonance make you feel better. But dammit we’re mocking here. So you are a secretary. Deal with it.
And no, you don’t secretly run the company behind the boss’s back. You answer the phone, handle the mail, and distribute the paychecks. Tough job. I have a twelve year old niece that could perform the same duties while tweeting on Twitter.
From what I have observed, in an eight hour workday, you spend at most one hour doing actual secretary work and the other seven hours gossiping. You do realize that someone is paying you to do this, right? Don’t you feel just a little guilty about getting paid for doing the same thing that unemployed people do just to pass the time? I’m slaving away down the hall, trying to complete a project on a schedule designed by Satan while you are sitting on your fat ass talking to Mary about what Frank said to Cindy.
Did I say fat? I meant huge. Each one of your thighs could be used as central bridge support. You really should stop eating those bags of mini Three Musketeers in between breakfast and your 10:00 AM snack. I mean, really, we’re going to have to buy you a special secretary chair so that you don’t complain to Human Resources about your back problems. Again.
You know what else really racks me off? When I give you some simple secretary task to perform and you make like (a) it’s not your job, (b) you don’t have time to do it, and (c) it is going to be impossible to finish before next Thursday. Really? Calling Facilities to see if they can get my phone fixed is going to inconvenience you? Well just shut your fatass secretary piehole and do your damn secretary job. Now.
Caveat: The above mock does not apply to that hot number on the third floor of building 7. You, my sweet thing, are doing just a fantastical job.
If you’d like to contribute a Friday Guest Mock please send it to mockable[at]gmail.com If it’s funny and won’t get us sued, we’ll most likely feature it at the site. And don’t forget to include the address to your blog or website, so we can link back at ya. Thanks!