Nation Continues to Mourn Loss of Scott Baio

2009 June 30
by mockers

baioAmerica, still reeling from the news of Scott Baio’s untimely passing, enters its fourth day of mourning on Tuesday.  Candlelight vigils have been held nightly at dozens of locations around the country, and devastated fans worldwide are tying bandanas around their right legs, in remembrance of the fallen actor and cultural icon.

The tributes have been glowing and unceasing.

“(Baio’s) contributions cannot be overstated,” said U.S. House of Representatives Minority Whip, Eric Cantor.  “I think it’s safe to say he was the voice and face of a generation.  The man was a giant, and there will never be another like him.  Someday I hope to see his face on Rushmore.”

Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google:  “For one hour on Thursday afternoon, all search results at Google dotcom will return nothing but Scott Baio-related results.  Also, for the remainder of the month, the left O in our logo will be Chachi’s head.”

Breaking an almost thirty-year silence, legendary author J.D. Salinger released the following statement to the press yesterday:

“I, like so many, was and am an avid fan of Mr. Baio’s immense talents and contributions.  Indeed, in early 2002 I was involved in a minor fistfight in a Cornish bar, when another patron insinuated Dr. Jonas Salk was the greater man.  I had to set the fellow straight on the matter.”

L.L.L. Anderson, Director of NASA:  “All of us at the institute are devastated by the news of Mr. Baio’s death, and our best wishes go out to his friends and family.  In recognition of his unsurpassed contributions to the human race, we have received signed statements from seventeen world nations, all agreeing to refer to Earth’s moon as “Scott” for the balance of the year.  Godspeed, my good man.”

Jerry Hill, president of Pretentious-Ass Blog Commenters of America, left the following identical comment at dozens and dozens of websites and forums over the weekend:  “Goodnight sweet prince.”

On Monday’s edition of NBC’s Today Show, co-host Matt Lauer teased an upcoming segment with the following words. “Move over Jesus?  Was Scott Baio the greatest human who ever lived?  In a few minutes you’ll meet two people who are making the case.”

Scott Baio began his career as an actor, famously portraying the character “Chachi Arcola” on the 1970s situation comedy Happy Days, as well as a short-lived spinoff, Joanie Love Chachi.  He later enjoyed success in many fields, including physics, chemistry, physiology, race relations, bluegrass music, soccer, and animal husbandry.

Baio died Friday, following a freak accident involving a “potato gun.”

17 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 June 30
    Vicki permalink

    So wrong.

  2. 2009 June 30
    Jilly permalink

    Priceless, but darn it – you got me – I coundn’t stop myself from the google search….
    {shakes fist at computer} the (*&(*^*^ Charles In Charge theme song is now stuck in my head – lol

  3. 2009 June 30

    Thank God took him and not Ralph Macchio.

  4. 2009 June 30

    The Google one gave me tears.

  5. 2009 June 30

    I swear to God, seems like everyone I jackoff to is dropping dead lately. Carrie Underwood, Rachael Ray, and Henry Kissinger better beware!

  6. 2009 June 30

    Goodnight sweet prince.

  7. 2009 June 30


  8. 2009 June 30

    Darn, I thought we were taking about Ralph Macchio. Now theres a mockable performance although, I didn’t care for Joni loves Chachi or Happy Days either.

  9. 2009 June 30

    Scott, I did not know you. Or anything about you. But if the blogsphere is mourning you, then GodSpeed. You were more famous than me. Sorry that you are fake dead.

  10. 2009 June 30
    Joe T. permalink

    I’m still wrestling with Bea Arthur’s death.

  11. 2009 July 1
    Limey permalink

    Sheesh, Baio’s body is barely cold and already Ron Howard is talking smack. Didn’t have the balls when Baio was alive, did you, you ginger tosser.

  12. 2009 July 2
    Buck permalink

    For the record, I NEVER owned a Scott Baio spiral notebook in second grade. Just wanted that in the public domain.

    Buck Out

  13. 2009 July 2
    Buck permalink

    ..and by the way, what’s up with the “quilt pattern” on the left hand side.. I feel like I just posted on the guest blog for Tamarack.

    Buck Out

  14. 2009 July 6

    I just went to Tamarack last week. EXPENSIVE! A lot of lovely stuff there though. West Virginia is awesome! I loved every minute there! Did you ever go to Beartown State Park?

    I thought this was real for a minnit..sheesh. They are falling like flies and I am turning 50 in August…..that magic number.

  15. 2011 July 14
    caroline permalink

    scott is not dead !!!!! that is ridiculous ………… he lives in the valley with his wife and child and very much living .

  16. 2011 July 14
    caroline permalink

    where do people get their information from ???? terrible especially when you dont know anything about scott . happy days was so long ago . I cant say much more other then he is very much alive and didnt die from any accident . He is very much alive .

  17. 2011 July 15

    Scott isn’t dead? He will be in a minute. He’s ruined my life for the last time!

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