Nation Continues to Mourn Loss of Scott Baio
America, still reeling from the news of Scott Baio’s untimely passing, enters its fourth day of mourning on Tuesday. Candlelight vigils have been held nightly at dozens of locations around the country, and devastated fans worldwide are tying bandanas around their right legs, in remembrance of the fallen actor and cultural icon.
The tributes have been glowing and unceasing.
“(Baio’s) contributions cannot be overstated,” said U.S. House of Representatives Minority Whip, Eric Cantor. “I think it’s safe to say he was the voice and face of a generation. The man was a giant, and there will never be another like him. Someday I hope to see his face on Rushmore.”
Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google: “For one hour on Thursday afternoon, all search results at Google dotcom will return nothing but Scott Baio-related results. Also, for the remainder of the month, the left O in our logo will be Chachi’s head.”
Breaking an almost thirty-year silence, legendary author J.D. Salinger released the following statement to the press yesterday:
“I, like so many, was and am an avid fan of Mr. Baio’s immense talents and contributions. Indeed, in early 2002 I was involved in a minor fistfight in a Cornish bar, when another patron insinuated Dr. Jonas Salk was the greater man. I had to set the fellow straight on the matter.”
L.L.L. Anderson, Director of NASA: “All of us at the institute are devastated by the news of Mr. Baio’s death, and our best wishes go out to his friends and family. In recognition of his unsurpassed contributions to the human race, we have received signed statements from seventeen world nations, all agreeing to refer to Earth’s moon as “Scott” for the balance of the year. Godspeed, my good man.”
Jerry Hill, president of Pretentious-Ass Blog Commenters of America, left the following identical comment at dozens and dozens of websites and forums over the weekend: “Goodnight sweet prince.”
On Monday’s edition of NBC’s Today Show, co-host Matt Lauer teased an upcoming segment with the following words. “Move over Jesus? Was Scott Baio the greatest human who ever lived? In a few minutes you’ll meet two people who are making the case.”
Scott Baio began his career as an actor, famously portraying the character “Chachi Arcola” on the 1970s situation comedy Happy Days, as well as a short-lived spinoff, Joanie Love Chachi. He later enjoyed success in many fields, including physics, chemistry, physiology, race relations, bluegrass music, soccer, and animal husbandry.
Baio died Friday, following a freak accident involving a “potato gun.”