You Guys Aren’t Going to Believe This
That’s right, I was rejected by cancer. Can you believe that shit? I’m not even good enough for freakin’ cancer. Here’s the form rejection letter those assholes sent me:
Thank you for submitting your lungs for our consideration. Unfortunately, they are not a good match for us here at Cancer, Inc. and we will not be able to invade your lungs and subsequently your entire body at this time.
I hope you excuse this form letter, but it is really only representative of our lack of time and not a lack of respect for your scar-riddled tissue. Please understand that there are many reasons why we must turn down potential victims. We look for material that immediately grabs our attentions and emotions, and that we believe will do well in the current terminal disease market. But sometimes we even pass on desirable and incredibly warm and fleshy, marketable organs simply because it is out of our realm of expertise and would be better represented by another disease with different taste or experience.
Thank you again for sharing your submission with us and we wish you the best of luck in your search for the right agen…I mean terminal illness.
Can youu believe those bitches? They don’t even have the common decency to sit down and write me a proper letter. I’m taking my business down the hall to sarcoidosis or some other generic granuloma. I’ll show them whose lymphnodes aren’t good enough!
Seriously though – thanks for all your support.