A Dangerous Justification
“People are going to buy this stuff anyway. Why shouldn’t they buy it from friends and let them profit instead of some giant heartless corporation?” Makeup, books, candles, bizarre kitchen appliances, baskets and even erotic lubricants are sold this way. One of your “friends” invites you over for a “party”. Once you get there, you’re fed shitty hors d’oeuvres from Sam’s Club and forced to make small talk with a bunch of other suckers who know the host in one way or another.
The host then breaks out samples of whatever product they’re hawking and they ask you to buy stuff in the name of friendship. If you put up any kind of fight (by politely asking that they stop pimping you out to the Pampered Chef corporation, for example) they say, “You’re going to buy this stuff anyway. Why shouldn’t you buy it from a friend like me and help my family rather than buy it from some giant heartless corporation?”
This is, in my opinion, one of the lamest rationalizations that I’ve ever heard. Are you manufacturing the goods in your basement? Maybe you travel to faraway countries and buy the product from a pygmy tribe or some shit and export it back to the states? Oh, wait…you fill out a form and send it to some order picker in some warehouse that’s owned by a giant heartless corporation. They mark up the price accordingly to cover your “commission” and everybody wins right?
Yeah, everyone except the “friend” whose good faith and desire to hang out with people that have common interests has tricked them into the reluctant purchase of a triangular-shaped bread knife. Let me say it one time for the cheap seats – NO, I DO NOT HAVE PLANS NOW, NOR WILL I HAVE PLANS IN THE FUTURE TO BUY AN ACAI BERRY SCENTED CANDLE. HOWEVER, I WILL PROBABLY END UP BUYING IT FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE A DOUCHENOZZLE THAT’S WILLING TO EXPLOIT OUR FRIENDSHIP FOR YOUR OWN FINANCIAL GAIN AND MY WIFE’S TOO NICE TO CALL YOU ON IT. I LIKE SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED WITH HER, SO NOW I OWN A FUCKING ACAI BERRY SCENTED CANDLE. EVEN IF I BOUGHT IT FROM YOU I AM NOT AVOIDING THE LARGE HEARTLESS CORPORATION. IN FACT, I AM PAYING MORE TO COVER YOUR COMMISSION. YOU SUCK.
I do not come to the table without solutions. I know how to fix this. Instead of making everyone feel uncomfortable around you and/or causing them to dive behind crappy corporate art in an attempt to avoid your makeup selling ass, why don’t you “candle party” people just have a kegger instead? I have never understood why people stop having keggers after college is over. More than once I have purchased a keg, charged a fistfull of dollars to my friends for access to the booze, had a great freaking time and made rent before the keg ran dry.
Next time you’re at a “party” eating bad Wal-Mart meatballs, checking your watch and wondering when your wife’s “friend” from work is going to stop brandishing oddly-shaped knives at you – picture the friend upside down, the accountants across the table from you hold her legs up and gravity causes her shirt to fall up under her arms, exposing her black bra. Everyone counts in unison as she fires beer straight down her throat. Everyone cheers as the guys finally put her down and the foamy goodness runs down her chin onto her shirt.
Now honestly – doesn’t that sound more fun? On behalf of your “friends” I beg you to quit the “party-based marketing”. Let’s just have a grown up kegger instead.
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Couldn’t agree more. My wife got sucked into the cult of “Princess House”. While the quality of the merchandise was good, the prices on the products couldn’t be justified.
Plus, her “sponsor” was relentless in coordinating more parties and phoned our house several times a week, usually early in the morning or at 10 o’clock at night.
I finally put an end to it after one party, where people ordered a bunch of shit and then didn’t pay for it. We wound up eating the bill, but we did get to keep the stuff. But still, it was way more money than I’d ever want to spend on salt & pepper shakers, coffee cups and relish trays.
How about combining the Pampered Chef with Tupperware and Avon?
I like Wal-Mart meatballs.
My sister is a Tastefully Simple consultant. As a SAHM she enjoys it. And while I enjoy their products it is EXPENSIVE. But, at least I can order through her and avoid the parties.
One perk of living like a crazy hermit with a houseful of dogs–you have no friends and none of this bullshit. I didn’t like any of my old friends that much anyway.
I got dragged to a “jewelry party” by an ex girlfriend several years ago with the promise of free booze, food, and a bunch of hot women to look out. I got Sam’s Club mini-quiches, box wine, and several hoary old women quibbling over silver plated schlock. And a rabbit who tried to eat my mini-quiches.
Anyone else notice the see-through-shirt action on the woman in the photo? It would be hot if she didn’t look like Sloth (from The Goonies, for those uninitiated).
I can’t believe she put all that crap on the pool table. If that was my pool table, I’d’ve shot her.
It’s probably just as well that guys don’t do shit like this. I mean a knife-and-gun party sounds good on paper. Could turn ugly though at the Broken Dreams Trailer Park after enough hot-wings and Seagram’s. At least there would be alcohol to clean out the slashes and bullet wounds.
Along the same line Vicki took being a single male alleviates nearly all potential of this. Unless you have a sister, God love her, that invites you to a wine party. Luckily my bullshit detector went off and I realized it was a marketing party for crappy wine, besides that how in the hell was I going to travel the 60 miles back home after a wine party?
Mister B: You either have a hell of a monitor or are the worlds biggest perv! lol
Chuck if I ever get to Belpre I’m buying you a beer!