A Letter to Dairy Queen Corporate

2009 July 23
by mockers

theresadqDear Dairy Queen,

My elderly father loves your Peanut Buster Parfait, but can no longer tolerate the skin of a peanut. If he ingests even the tiniest amount of the substance, his bowels are instantly thrown into a painful and prolonged state of hyper-flexation, and frightening sounds begin issuing forth from his trouser region.

He’s been forced to forgo his beloved dessert for many years now, and that just breaks my heart. My daddy worked hard his whole life, and if he wants a parfait then, by golly, he should have a parfait!

When his 85th birthday rolled around I decided to finally do something about it.  I was sure that if I called our local Dairy Queen and explained the situation, they’d help me make my father’s special day even more special. And I was right!

I spoke with a young man named Dana Lanham, at store #367, and told him of our skin-intolerance problem and how much my daddy always loved Dairy Queen’s wonderful frozen treats. Right away I could tell Mr. Lanham was a kind soul, and that I had an ally in my quest.

I asked if it would be possible to make a special “birthday parfait” for my father, using peanuts with the skins carefully removed. To my amazement, he agreed without hesitation. He kept saying, “Well of course I’ll stand back there and take the time to remove the skin from each individual peanut – because you’re more important than everybody else.”

Oh, how relieved I was to hear those words! Such a refreshing attitude, and so rare in today’s world. I thanked Mr. Lanham, and told him the date and time we’d be there for my father’s big surprise. As I hung up the phone, tears of joy were streaming down my face.

On the big day I took my daddy to Dairy Queen #367, and met Dana Lanham for the first time. He seemed to be as happy to see me as I was him; he kept smiling and giggling the whole time. He was getting a kick out of it too!

The parfait had been made before we arrived, and was being kept frosty cold in a stand-up freezer. Just to be sure, I asked Dana if the skins had been removed and he assured me they had.

“I even put a little something extra in there for you,” he said, barely able to contain his excitement.

Through a fog of tears I asked if he was talking about love. He thought about it for a second and answered, “Yeah, I guess I am.” Then he and another worker were overcome by emotion, and disappeared into the backroom, laughing and patting each other on the back.

To make a long story a little less long, my father had one of the best birthdays of his entire life this year. He ate that parfait with great gusto, and spent the afternoon reminiscing about his old army buddy, Frank.

I don’t know what triggered that particular memory; he usually doesn’t like to talk about Frank or his days stationed in the Philippines, for some reason. But it was a wonderful bonding experience for the two of us.

And I owe it all to Dairy Queen, and its warm, caring employees like Dana Lanham.

God bless you all!


12 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 July 23

    Hmmmm! Must have been that extra something. Frank must have been a weiner eh winner of a friend.

  2. 2009 July 23
    Kevindust permalink

    So familiar and overwhelmingly warm.

  3. 2009 July 23

    Lets not give Jason any more ideas, OK Theresa…

  4. 2009 July 23
    JeffInDenver permalink

    Really, Jeff? Recycling WVSR material? You’re better than this…….

  5. 2009 July 23

    Yeah, some days I might be better than that. Unfortunately today isn’t one of them. At least I didn’t steal it from Cracked.

  6. 2009 July 23

    I like turtles…

  7. 2009 July 23

    @ Skully – My buddy and I use the turtles line all the time. I did not know it was available to the general public. Friggin’ funny…

  8. 2009 July 23
    SeanInSac permalink

    Thank you. I though I was going crazy. Sitting here thinking, I know I’ve heard this story before…but Where!!!

  9. 2009 July 23
    JeffInDenver permalink


    Fair enough. And a very good point about Cracked. And, now that I think of it, I’m not paying subscrption fees, so, feel free to recycle as needed….

  10. 2009 July 27
    Ederd permalink

    Recycled or not, that was a damn funny piece o’ writin’.

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  1. Another Letter to Dairy Queen Corporate | mockable.org
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