A Mockable Review: The Forty-Nine Blog

My friend has this website that he describes thusly:

I started by reading the blog part. At first I went, “Oh crap” because the premise reminded me of the time in Iowa City when I was a music major and one of my professors would call out, “Play like a bear! Now play like a drunk chicken! Now play like a clown that just got fired from the worst circus in the world (okay, I made those last two up)!” That was an unpleasant memory and I was worried that you were gonna “play like a bear.” Then I started listening and it was actually really cool and not at all bearlike.

Then I spend a few minutes trying to remember the word “hemiola”. Then I thought about how much the word “hemiola” sounds like “areola” – which made me think about other stuff. Then I paused the song, opened up another tab and then, um…went to another another website. When I was “done” with the other website I got a sandwich and took a nap.

I woke up after a while, remembered what I had started doing before the hemiola/areola thing sidetracked me into “insert clever euphemism for masturbation” and I went back to your tab and clicked play again. It was then that I realized that it wasn’t really a hemiola at all, but actually just an emphasis on the “and of 3″…but I’ve always been a fan of the upbeats-so whatever, keep it up.

I rocked out to that for a while and then you started singing. I don’t know what to tell you man. It’s not terrible, but it’s not as good as you used to be when you were the best singer in the band that we were in together.

Then I started thinking about the band that we were in together. Remember when I was drunk and I got into a fight with all those bulldykes at that crappy biker bar in grandview? Man I was a douche…but it was still funny. I think that’s what’s missing in your voice. The reckless abandon that comes with knowing that angry lesbians might kick your ass after the set is over. Perhaps if you got drunk before you record the vocal tracks and then I brought over a gang of angry bitches to continue to have mullets while they crack their knuckles at you?

Anyway, good song and stuff. See you next week.