Caveboy Monday: Are You Happy at Work?

What a moronic question.  It does however seem to have taken hold in the workplace over the last several years. In an effort to increase productivity and efficiency companies are now trying to make sure we are happy at work. There are listening sessions where management gathers the employees together and asks for their input as to what would make the workplace more enjoyable.  I have sat through several of these and what they usually turn into is a bitch session about how so and so doesn’t pull their weight.  Then instead of management investigating the problem child they look to the employee’s to bring this person into the fold and help bring them up to standard.  No you idiots we just told you that for the last eight years we’ve been picking up after this worthless turd and working our collective asses off to make up for their fucking up and fucking off.  We’ve done all we can do, fire their sorry ass! Then comes the one on one listening sessions where they ask “Are you happy here?”  “No I’m not happy here, that’s why you have to pay me to show everyday”  I’m happy at home drinking a beer and grillin a few burgers on the weekends or maybe playing a round of golf or going fishing.  I am not happy at work.  Things that make me happy I have been known to do on the spur of the moment and pay money to do them.  Not on any day off in my working career have I ever said to my spouse “Honey it’s such a nice day outside I think I’ll go to work and pay them for letting me be there.”  No sir not once.

I love this question “Where do you see yourself in five years?”  The standard ass kissing answer is (I’ve used it to) “I would like to continue to grow in the company and develop to my full potential to better myself and to become a greater asset to the company.”  When what you want to say is “I want to be left alone to do what you pay me for.  I’m 47 years old I have no desire to be a CEO or VP If I did I would have started my climb 25 years ago.  I am content to get up, come to work, do my job, and go home. That doesn’t make me a bad person or a bad employee.  Got it.”

But the here is the the topper “The Employee Opinion Survey”.  This isn’t such a bad idea, except it is just too fuckin confusing.  It winds up being about 75 questions with 5 multiple choice answers.  So that by the time your done with it you are so confused  you’re just fillin in boxes to get done with it.

I think an employee opinion survey should be four or five questions.  Here’s a sample:

My boss is an asshole                          Yes      No

His/Her name is:_________________________

Working here suck’s                            Yes      No

If you answered yes please complete the next two sentences

It sucks because,

It would suck less if.

remember nuthins free, so send money

caveboy out