Caveboy Monday: Smart Phones Stupid People

2011 March 21
by mockers

So you got one of those amazing new smart phones that will do everything from plot out a course to Mars to giving you the ingredients to a perfect martini, big deal.  Now let me get this straight, you camped out in your car all night in sub zero weather just so you could be one of the first to possess one of these wonders of technology.

I think perhaps there is juxtaposition of stupidity and intelligence at work here.  You obviously are in tune with the latest technology but you don’t have enough sense to come in from the cold.

Yeah you’ll be the hit at all the gatherings for about a week with your cool new phone.  Then everybody will have one and your 15 minutes of fame will be over.  Then the reality of it all will set in.  Your cool new phone also comes with a cool new phone bill.  You see where your old boring phone had an old boring bill of $50 or $60 bucks, your cool new phone is gonna set you back about $100 – $150 bucks a month, pretty cool huh.

As you watch a movie on your phone it creeps up in the back of your mind “This is definitely worth $150 a month.”  Then you get bored watching that little screen, I mean after all it’s kinda dumb to watch a movie on your phones 3.8 inch screen when the 50 inch LCD TV you just had to have is sitting right there, collecting dust.

Then one night you’re out on the town and you think “Now where is that Chinese place I wanted to try?”  “I know, let me use my handy dandy phone to get directions”.  So you access your map app and sure enough it gives you complete directions from where you are to the restaurant.  Which by the way is down the block about a 100 yards from where you’re parked, you could have already been there if you had just looked up and seen the sign.

So as you start down the street and you think to look in your wallet and it’s as empty as your gas tank, yeah but you got a cool phone.  Then later on that evening as you sit on the couch eating pork rinds and playing games on that marvelous phone, you look in the corner by the 50 inch LCD TV and there sits that cool gaming system that you had to have.  You remember, you sat out all night in a monsoon to be the first to own one.  Remember how cool that thing was, for about a month.  At least it’s not costing you $150 bucks a month to use, but you got a cool phone.

Trying to ease your mind, you tell yourself that you got a great deal on the phone, all you had to do was sign a two year contract at $150 a month and you got that joker at half price.  Do the math you fucking moron.

The next day you have a doctor’s appointment and when you sign in, the lady behind the desk tells you ever so politely “The doctor had an emergency at the hospital and is running a little behind.”

“How much behind?’ you ask.

“Oh I’d say about an hour and a half, two at the most” she sweetly replies as she is closing the sliding glass window that separates her from the real world.

As you sit down you notice the TV set that is suspended in the corner is not on and you saunter over to remedy that.  About the time you reach up to push the power button you hear a raspy voice say “It’s busted”

Well that’s okay you think to yourself I’ll just whip out my cool new phone and watch that, and as you are plugging in your rotten tooth wireless head phone your hear the sliding glass window open.  No sound comes from behind the wall just a pudgy little hand with the index finger extended and pointing to the left.  You look in the direction the finger is pointing and then you see it, ”Use of Cell Phones is Not Permitted in the Waiting Room / Thank you for your cooperation”.

You would ease out to your car and wait, but its four degrees outside and you had to dig through the couch to scrape up enough gas money to get there and back and you’re going to have to come up with some kind of excuse about how you can’t pay for the office visit and you don’t think that “I had to pay my cell phone bill” will go over too well, but damn ain’t that a cool phone.

The next morning as you sit having your morning coffee you hear the mail man making his morning rounds.  When you retrieve the mail the first item is a letter from your Uncle Rudolph.  “Ah, good ole Uncle Rudy” you think.  You lay the balance of the mail down and open up uncle Rudy’s letter.  As you take out the letter a piece of paper falls out of the folded correspondence.  You pick it up and what do you know it’s a check for $200 somolians.  Uncle Rudy has remembered your birthday.  The note says “Here’s a little something, treat yourself to something nice.  Happy Birthday Uncle Rudy”. Thinking you have landed a windfall and things are looking up you go through the rest of the mail.  Junk mail, junk mail, cell phone bill.

“Cell phone bill?” You just paid the bill.  Has it been a month already.  As you scan down the statement to the balance due you notice something that says Charges for Services not covered in your plan $94.36, total due $238.64, damn ain’t that cool phone.

Remember nuthins free so send money

caveboy out

3 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 March 21

    Ok, you can come out from under the rock.

  2. 2011 March 21
    tncaveboy permalink

    Never said I was against technology. Just technology that you can’t afford.

  3. 2011 March 21
    Nurse Ratched permalink

    Sounds like you should go back to your Gilligan coconut-phone… roaming charges either

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