EU vs. USA

Before I begin let me just say that, as an American, I have no real beef with the EU.  From what I understand they have good cheese and wine.  And they haven’t deployed their nuclear weapons yet, which is always a good thing.  But to be frank, I think if the USA and the EU were in a pickup joint and there was one really smoking hot country sitting at the bar doing tequila shooters, the USA would be taking that country home before the EU could say “Pardon me but do you have any Grey Poupon?”.
 
To be fair we need to look at the stats.  Here is an objective comparison:
 
Number of letters in the acronym:  Three vs two.  USA wins.
 
Number of states/countries:  50 vs 27.  USA wins.
 
Number of languages: 1 vs. 1000.  EU wins.  Although I’m not sure if that is a good thing for the EU.
 
Ambiguous state/country:  Puerto Rico vs. England.  USA wins.  Puerto Rico has better weather.
 
Most popular export:  McDonald’s vs. I don’t know.  I don’t think the EU exports anything.  USA wins.
 
Most famous person:  Michael Jackson vs. Hitler.  USA wins again, although only by a slight margin.
 
Island state/country:  Hawaii vs. Malta.  USA wins in a landslide.
 
Smallest state/country:  Rhode Island vs. Luxembourg.  EU wins.  Luxembourg is a much cooler name.
 
Most popular sport:  Football vs. football.  Ok, we’ll call it a draw.
 
So there you have it.  USA beats EU 6-2-1.  Not even close.  I’m sure you could argue with some of the stats, but you could also argue that an infinitely large force cannot move an infinitely large rock.  In the end it doesn’t matter.  The EU has to deal with France and the USA has to deal with Idaho.