Friday Guest Mock: Dear Copier Repair Area Manager Doing A Performance Review Of Your Employee In My Copy Room

2009 August 21
by mockers

This weekly installment of our Guest Mock series is being handled by our friend Chris.  He doesn’t  have a site to plug or anything like that.  Chris simply saw someone that needed mocked and sprang to action.  Jeff and I strongly encourage you to do the same and we’ll tell you how after the show.  Seriously, we’re not making any money off your mocks or anything (yet)…we’re just doing our best to do our civic duty…like voting or hitting on girls at the municipal pool.

Anyway, this mock rules, you should read it:

lumbergI know that in this era of fast, responsive, and agile service that you are doing your best to model 21st century “go-get-’em” business habits to your employees.  May I suggest that your showing up at my place of business to do *your* business of delivering a bad job performance review to a guy we’ve been waiting two days to see may not be the best use of putting your management training skills “on the road?”

May I further suggest that taking calls from your office while in the middle of passive aggressively calling your employee “lazy” and “unmotivated”… all while he had the innards of our multi-thousand dollar paper shredder spread around the copy room doesn’t give me much confidence in the work that has been, or was being, done?

May I continue?  I can’t print anything right now anyways so I’ll just keep typing.

The part of the conversation that went like this:

Employee: “Well, how long did it take *you* to get promoted to supervisor?”
Supervisor: “Three years.  How long have you been with us again?”
Employee: Silence
Employee: Silence
Employee: “Three years.  I’m seriously disappointed to be receiving this news today.” *sound of something snapping, either in the employee’s head or inside our only tool for producing printed material in the whole building.*
Supervisor: “I’m sure you are.”

Listen buddy, I know that your two years of community college puts you into some kind of elite squad of management gurus.  I also know that your getting to wear the long-sleeved oxford shirt with your company’s logo rather than the golf shirt your employee was wearing means you have some kind of one-up on him, and us evidently since we are now your version of the back-shed.  However, my “take-away” to use your cheesy, uncreative, and stupid business-speak was that you just gave me a half-hour crash course in how *not* to manage, or lead, a team.

Once I clear up this paper-jam I intend to print a copy of this letter to bring to your office while you are in the middle of trying to do your job.

Glad I Work Here and Not There

If you’d like to contribute a Friday Guest Mock please send it to mockable[at]  If it’s funny and won’t get us sued, we’ll most likely feature it at the site.  And don’t forget to include the address to your blog or website, so we can link back at ya.  Thanks!

5 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 August 21
    t-storm permalink

    also don’t make my sub sandwich maker cry while she’s making my sub. in fact don’t make her cry at all. no one should cry for minimum wage.

  2. 2009 August 21
    WB in OH permalink

    Wotta douche!

  3. 2009 August 21
    Sven permalink

    Milt, we’re gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B.

    We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get.

    So if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific, OK?

  4. 2009 August 24

    Do they still exist, I should talk I use to work for Xerox.

  5. 2009 August 31

    What are you doing for your future here? Are you keeping track of your “special above and beyond activities?” by the way….. we are taking back 5% of your wages and freezing your wages to a level you made 5 years ago, even though we are making obscene amounts of money this year. Because you know, everyone is hurting now …… a team player won’t you?

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