Friday Guest Mock: Door to Door Doom

This weekly installment of our Guest Mock series is being handled by our pal DTO.  Who, as a matter of fact, cracks my shit up.  You can catch him over here for more. I highly suggest you check it out.

And now for the cruel, cruel mockery….

Chapter I….The Meeting of Miss Peddledoom.

It was a good Thursday and a nice evening was settling in and it looked to be a good night. I sat on the porch with my feet up on the railing. I appreciate a cold glass of beer while watching a wonderful sunset.

A red mini-van pulls in and the passenger gets out and heads right up to me.

“Hello…how are you?”, I use to break the ice.

“Are you prepared for the end of the world?”, was her greeting. So much for pleasantries.

“Well…yeah”, I said hoisting my dewy glass as proof. “Pardon me for not getting up”.

“No…I mean are you really prepared?”, she pressed on.

Now I really thought this was a yes or no question and I’d nailed it with my answer. I start to hope she’s a survivalist. Maybe we can talk about camping gear or about back-country water filtration devices. Maybe generators too.

“You need to come to our meeting young man”.

Meeting you say? Well that sounds like there might be a chance to vote on this end of the world thing and delay it for a while.

“So when’s the meeting?”, I thought I may as well ask.

“Saturday at 2pm…sharp!” in the best final voice I’ve ever heard. So if the world ends before that…then I guess I’ll be late, is what I wanted to say. “And we’re having a bake sale”!

A bake sale. Now that’s a nice touch for an End Of The World event. If this really is an end of the world event, there should be a really big booze and opium tent. Another one where you could eat everything you ever wanted to but thought you shouldn’t. And a tent with dunking tanks where you can drop all the people who told you how to live your life…into a big barrel of starving piranha. But then my sweet side kicked in.

“Is this a one day thing?”, as sincere as I could be.

“Oh no…we’ll be here every weekend for the next two months”, she assured me.

I would have guessed it was a one day thing with an urgency angle to it.“One day only! Hurry before it’s too late and we’re all gone!”, kind of approach. And maybe some kind of scary flyer too. Now it seems I have plenty of time to schedule my End Of The World meeting.

“Well..thank you ma’am, I’ll keep that in mind. And enjoy the evening…before it ends”.

If you’d like to contribute a Friday Guest Mock please send it to mockable[at]gmail.com  If it’s funny and won’t get us sued, we’ll most likely feature it at the site.  And don’t forget to include the address to your blog or website, so we can link back at ya.  Thanks!