Friday Guest Mock: Elevator Roulette

This weekly installment of our Guest Mock series is being handled by longtime surf reporter Big Mike.

It has happened to all of us. You are walking down the aisle shopping and you walk into a fart cloud that someone left hanging there. Well that someone might have been me.

I love to go in a store and rip a big stinking fart and then run off. It is even more fun to run over the next aisle and listen to the reaction of the person that walks through it. I’ve heard nothing and I have also heard cussing, laughing and even a few compliments on what a good one that was.

I’ve even got my wife doing it now. If we are somewhere in public and she farts, I always say something like “Good one honey” or “Wow that was a good one dear”. I usually say it really loud too. She will sometimes let a silent one and wait until I smell it before we move down the aisle. We usually move very quickly.

You have to be a little bit careful in your hometown so your neighbor, minister, mailman, etc is not the one that walks up on the gift you left in aisle 3. When you are out of town, you can just let them rip. We were in a Wal Mart in a different town recently and I ripped a fart walking through the front of the store. A little girl beside me grabbed her Mother’s sweater and said, “Mama, that fat man over there just walked by me and farted!” I just threw my hand up in the air like a courtesy wave you give when someone lets you in traffic and kept walking. That was my gift to them.

Another way you can have fun with farting in public is a game I call “Elevator Roulette”.

Here is how you play:

You are in an elevator alone. You fart.

You win if the elevator stops at your floor and nobody gets on.

You lose if the elevator stops at or before your floor and someone gets on.

Losing can be a pretty uncomfortable situation.

If you get on an empty elevator and there is a fart smell already on there, you know someone else just won that round of “Elevator Roulette”. It is now your turn to play.

If you’d like to contribute a Friday Guest Mock please send it to mockable[at]gmail.com  If it’s funny and won’t get us sued, we’ll most likely feature it at the site.  And don’t forget to include the address to your blog or website, so we can link back at ya.  Thanks!