Friday Guest Mock: People That Are Ticked Off

Sorry for this week guys, it was nuts. I spent two days in an underground facility (a fucking cave) learning about federal government program rules.  Most of it was pretty mockable, but I enjoy being able to feed my family so I’ll keep it to myself.  I then spent Wednesday driving almost 400 miles in a snowstorm and most of Thursday cleaning out my pants.  Thank Jeebus for Lakr (who will be gracing us with his presence as often as his schedule will allow) and Caveboy (who was the first to submit a guest mock during the new era).  Now if we can find Taiwan On and pull him out from underneath that Taiwanese hooker and convince Zsu Zsu to come play, we’ll be golden.

So yeah, Caveboy clearly remembers how this whole thing works as he is a veteran mocker and the first contributor to break the “drivers’ license station barrier“. I hope you guys enjoy this one and I hope Caveboy has more in the pipe:

You know what makes my day?  People that are pissed over stupid shit, that’s what.  Some where in their selfish little minds they firmly believe that they have the right to expect me to care.  Guess what, I don’t.  I don’t care that they just spent two weeks on an assignment for their boss and when they turn it in the boss doesn’t remember why they asked them to do it in the first place.  Just because your feelings have been mussed up don’t expect me to go out of my way to be nice to you.  I never liked you in the first place.  Actually I am thoroughly enjoying you personal welcome to the real world.

You’re pissed because someone got that parking place next to the door.  Hah, if you hadn’t spent 30 minutes driving around the parking lot waiting for that piece of prime real estate you could have already completed your errand and been on your merry way.  So screw you.  Besides if you would walk a little every now and then you wouldn’t have to park so close so as to avoid a heart attack from too much exercise, you lazy turd.

Then there’s the guy that is going off on a tirade about how he got to the store and they were sold out of the laptops for $299.00.  He is taking great pleasure in retelling how he demanded to see the manager and how he gave him a piece of his mind (though he had so little to spare), about how that was false advertising and a shitty way to treat the customers.  Even though I read the same ad in the paper but I also read the disclaimer that each store would have a minimum of one unit per store.  Do I try to explain this to him; no I’d rather watch him make a fool of himself in front of a dozen people.

One of my favorites is the gourmet diner at the counter bitching about how she ordered a double cheeseburger not a quarter pounder with cheese.  Even though the terrified teenager behind the counter is doing everything possible to assuage the situation there is no stopping this train.  Holy crap lady it’s all the same.  Why don’t you get this excited when they give you change for a twenty when you know you gave them a ten.  Go find your parking place next to the door.

Airport maniacs are some of the best.  He’s standing at the counter screaming he has to be in Fort Wayne by 8 p.m. demanding to see the supervisor and when they come out and tell you that the flight is still delayed 3 hours he wants to see the person in charge.  I really admire those folks behind the counter, how they smile and remain calm when you know that in their heart of hearts they really want to grab the belligerent bastard by the throat slam him into a chair and scream in his face to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up.  Then as they walk away feeling soooo much better, turning around to tell him that there was another flight he could have taken that would have gotten him there on time and they would have gladly made the necessary arrangements if he hadn’t been such a prick.  Just one time I would like to see that.

So if you want to get pissed off, get pissed off, but do it over something that matters and something maybe you could something about.  Now go buy that laptop for $299.00

remember nuthins free so send money

caveboy

If you’d like to contribute a Friday Guest Mock please send it to mockable[at]gmail.com  If it’s funny and won’t get us sued, we’ll most likely feature it at the site.  And don’t forget to include the address to your blog or website, so we can link back at ya.  Thanks!