Friday Guest Mock – Reading is Fun-Da-Mental
First of all, because my lazy ass isn’t writing all that well lately, we’re running low on guest mocks. We need more, so like those greedy bastards at the Red Cross – we’re gonna badger you until you write something… Elle? BlondeGoddess? ShinyRod? Chu’s Hot Sister? Skully? DTO? Chuck? Big Mike? Zazu? Big Bear in Ohio? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
This week features another excellent offering from Taiwan On. Read it, then go to his site and read that and then come over here and give me a hug…ya big oaf.
I like to read. A good book makes you feel that you are not alone. There are other human beans that have thoughts other than “Me eat now” or “What’s on TV?”.
Recently, a friend of mine had the chance to visit Taiwan for a few weeks. He was stuck in a hotel, so I loaned him a few books so that he could have something to do other than masturbate or watch the idiot tube (or both simultaneously – fun!).
When he left Taiwan, he thoughtfully returned the books and, I guess as a “thank you”, he included a book that he had purchased. I will not cite the book title or author because, well, the book that my friend gave me is possibly the worst book ever published. And I don’t want to make James Patterson feel bad about writing “Cross Country”.
I made it through the first 42 pages and, after throwing up a bit in mouth, I had to stop. It was already Chapter 12! Note to fellow readers – if a book has chapters that are two pages long then burn that book immediately. Screw the greenhouse affect. The book must be burned.
I am sure that this “book” was purchased in an airport convenience store. It has a professional book cover with an embossed title and everything. And, get this, the book cover has the phrase “#1 New York Times Bestseller”. That has to be impossible. It’s like saying that the St. Louis Rams are the “#1 Football Team”. Or that Uzbekistan is the “#1 Tourist Destination”.
From my brief stomach-turning read of the “book”, this guy named Alex Cross is a down-to-earth guy that won’t let the “man” get in his way. Here are some quotes from the “book” – just incredibly bad. How does this shit get published?
– “I wasn’t soft. If anything, I was still too hard, too unyielding, too uncompromising.”
– “They wanted to scare somebody, I was thinking as I entered a brightly lit, warmly decorated alcove.
– “Or maybe one very smart killer, trying to keep us guessing”.
I could go on but it would just get worse. It is surprising that the author even knows what an alcove is. Apparently this “book” is the 14th installment of the Alex Cross series. I have just one thing to say (which I have said before in other mocks): Stop. Please stop.
If you’d like to contribute a Friday Guest Mock please send it to mockable[at]gmail.com If it’s funny and won’t get us sued, we’ll most likely feature it at the site. And don’t forget to include the address to your blog or website, so we can link back at ya. Thanks
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Well, I can cross reading a James Patterson novel off my bucket list.
I don’t get the whole James Patterson phenomenon. He is without a doubt the worst writer EVER. Even the ones (read:most) of the ones that are ghost-written are terrible. I think he hires high school seniors to write most of them. How he became so successful is a riddle I may never solve. I also think it says something about the book buying public…but I’m not sure what.
THANK YOU for this mock!!! I have been saying this for years (HOW does some of this crap get published?), indeed.
I do NOT understand, and never will, the public’s (read: women’s) love affair with Sandra Brown books. Possibly, hands down The. Worst. Author. Ever.
Storylines. Characters. Character “development”. Flow. Dialogue. Grammar. Punctuation. (Are some of these the editors fault?)
All of it though, bad.
Please, just take my word for it though…don’t go buying one of her books to check it out for yourself…you’ll only encourage her.
I think it’s pretty safe to say that if you can buy a book at Walgreen’s, it’s not a book you want to read.
Did you really throw up a little bit in your mouth? Because I swear I’ve heard that somewhere before. Before you gave up the Alex Cross tip i was going to guess it had to be The Celestine Prophecy.
THANK YOU for this mock!!! I have been saying this for years (HOW does some of this crap get published?), indeed.
I do NOT understand, and never will, the public’s (read: women’s) love affair with Sandra Brown books. Possibly, hands down The. Worst. Author. Ever.
Storylines. Characters. Character “development”. Flow. Dialogue. Grammar. Punctuation. (Are some of these the editors fault?)
All of it though, bad.
Please, just take my word for it though…don’t go buying one of her books to check it out for yourself…you’ll only encourage her.