Friday Guest Mock: Seriously? You Didn’t Know You Were Pregnant? C’mon…
This week’s installment of our Guest Mock series comes courtesy of our lovely and talented friend Kay. As she puts it, “I have nothing to plug, no website, no blog, I don’t tweet, and Facebook is starting to get on my nerves.” That’s right kids, you’ll only find her right here at mockable.org…we’re exclusive!
On with the mocking:
Has anyone watched this ridiculousness on TLC? Puhleez. You can’t tell me you went nine months with a baby in your uterus and you didn’t know??? This makes me crazy. “She had no cravings, no morning sickness, no symptoms of pregnancy…” How about the elbow, knee, or baby’s ass migrating across your abdomen – that you can see with your eyes? Did you think it was gas…with legs and arms? Did you think that pressure on your bladder was from from the 12 beers you drank? Because the only way you cannot know you are nine months pregnant is if you have been drunk or coked up the whole time. Every episode I watch brings new meaning to the word bullshit. I don’t believe it. It’s not possible. I have been pregnant three times, and there is no way to be nine months pregnant and then be surprised when you have a baby. Cheez, how about the no period thing? Oh, they say they had “light spotting.” Were you able to sleep on your stomach? How about the big boobs? Did you just think God finally answered your prayers? Spare me. And many of them go to the Emergency Room complaining of abdominal pain and get sent back home with various diagnoses, none of them including, “you are about to have a baby.” Now, I can understand the grossly obese not noticing the weight gain, but a regular, normal woman is going to show a pregnancy. My God, it’s a human being, inside of you!!!! All of these women swear, “I didn’t know I was pregnant.” The excuses are classic and pathetic. Let me reiterate a couple of them for you, to paraphrase:
– “I ate a hotdog and thought I just had food poisoning.” This woman went to the E.R. twice. The second time while undergoing an x-ray, “Oh, my god, there’s a baby in there.”
– “I had just started college and gained 70 pounds. It wasn’t just my belly, it was all over. I was so frustrated.” This genius attributed labor pains to finally getting her period.
Yes, I mock these women. I didn’t know I was pregnant, my ass.
I’d really like to thank everyone for participating. The guest mock series has really made this site fun. If you’d like to contribute a Friday Guest Mock please send it to mockable[at]gmail.com If it’s funny and won’t get us sued, we’ll most likely feature it at the site. And don’t forget to include the address to your blog or website, so we can link back at ya. Thanks! – metten
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I watched a little of that show with my wife the other night and I probably said the word “bullshit” a half dozen times. I also probably used some combination of “moron,” “idiot,” or “dumbfuck” twenty times or more.
Nicely mocked.
What some people will do to get on television. How about the pregnant “man”? talk about a big farce and they gave him (her) a whole hour long documentary and guest spots on the talk circuit. Jeezum Crow!
You’d better put a new mock up before Sunday. Mocking “surprising” births on a Sunday is likely to result in a lightning bolt.
I’m not worried about the lightning bolt. I’m pretty sure Mary knew she was pregnant.
Oh she knew, but it was “surprising” since her husband had apparently never dipped his wick. I’m sure ol’ Joe was meaning to talk to her about that too..
i found this article while googling pregnancy pictures…HILARIOUS. i completely agree with that show and the women on it being straight bullshit…i’m 11 weeks pregnant and I’M showing…there’s no way anyone can go 9 months with nothing! ridiculous. hilarious picture, by the way!
i also found this picture while googling pregnancy pics. love the picture.
i thought the exact same thing of that show, however the deeper i dig into midwifery study i have learned that it is possible. this has been solidified for me when it happened to someone i know.
things that can cause you to not know you are pregnant include (in my opinion in order of significance)
-not wanting to be pregnant
-being out of tune with your body
-continuing to menstrate during pregnancy which does happen, more often than you think
-having a placenta on the back of your uterus (anterior) which can prevent you from feeling your baby’s kicks
-having a uterus that tilts in toward your body cavity, thus preventing you from having a large baby belly
-having a wide long torso
i am sure there are more but i couldn’t help but play devils advocate.
that show still drives me bonkers, i guess more than anything it makes me sad that these women are so out of tune with their bodies and miss the experience of knowing they are pregnant and looking forward to meeting their baby.
as a big natural birth advocate i love how they always say “amazingly, the baby was born safe in her bathroom and everything was ok!” this makes me laugh inside because i know that women are so capable of giving birth without help more often than not. 🙂
Very funny article. Love the doll, I immediately thought it’s one I’d like my daughter to have (if i have one)
I do tend to agree with you. I’m 16 months pregnant first time. And I find it almost impossible to believe a woman can go even 4 months pregnant and not realise it!
I mean everything about your body changes! even your sense of smell. I felt horribly sick, your uterus is pulling and stretching, no period (a big giveaway) your knockers get massive and hurt like a basta#d, your food tastes change. Oh and then there’s the thing inside you kicking your ass. I’m sorry but even if your placenta is in the wrong place or your uterus tilts the wrong way, how on this earth can you not feel a 5 to 9lb human being moving inside your torso!!!!!!!!
Okay, I’ve never been pregnant. Ever. You should know that ahead of time.
The reason why I call this show bullshit has little to do with what the women say, but how they react after having the baby. Has any of them given the child up for adoption? Were any of them unhappy with what happened? Or did they all become overjoyed and elated? There. Right there. That’s you’re proof of bullshit. I honestly believe that most of the women who claim to not know they were pregnant purposely tried to get pregnant then never told anyone. Girdles and baggy shirts do the trick. Then they have the baby at home. Same thing goes for women who claim they were on birth control when they got pregnant. Really? So you’re one of the 1% of women who have breakthrough ovulation? Really? Or did you decide to skip a few here and there and see what happens? I don’t want to call all the women liars because I don’t know what really happened. All I can do is listen to their story.
It seems like every woman who experiences a normal, expected or maybe unexpected, pregnancy misses her period, shows, has other annoying symptoms (swelling, nausea, weight gain, etc.), feels the baby in them moving and the women who claim to not have known they were pregnant experience none of those things. None. Not a single one. It’s either bullshit or a phenomenon. My vote is for the former.