Friday Guest Mock: Software

2009 July 3
by mockers

This week features another offering from Taiwan On.  Read it, then go to his site and read that and then come over here and give me a hug…ya big oaf.


You suck.


First of all, let me clarify.  I have no problem with the people who created you.  Sure, they are socially retarded and have no regard for the end user.  But, in general, they are no harm to society.  Except for the occasional code generator that goes off the deep end and decides to climb a tower and randomly shoot innocent civilians.  That’s a problem, but what are you going to do?  Gun control?


But you, software, are the embodiment of evil.  Why does my PC randomly wait an eternity to fire up a web browser?  Why can’t I turn off my PC without waiting for the next administration?  Why do you have to send an error report?  Why?  Because you suck.


And what is my recourse?  You permeate today’s society.  You control my PC.  You control my cell phone.  You control the air/gasoline mixture in my internal combustion machines.  You probably control lots of other stuff that I am not even aware of.  I only hope that you are not in control of my johnson, because that is not working well either, but I’ve been under the impression that old age is the cause.  Perhaps not?


Sure, I could go off and live in a cabin in the leafy woods of New England and write some crap that critics would fawn over, but that would be surrender.  And surrender, sir, is not in my spell checker.


And for those readers who are thinking “It is Microsoft and that damned Bill Gates.”, well, stop.  Really.  Just stop.  All software sucks, not just Windows.  Besides, Bill is probably going to kick it soon given all the recent celebrity deaths.  He’ll be playing ping pong in heaven/hell with Michael the Martian before you can say “blue screen of death”.


Please, software, give me a break.  Please work as intended and stop making me throw things at you.


And sorry for all the question marks.  I only used them because software sucks

If you’d like to contribute a Friday Guest Mock please send it to mockable[at]  If it’s funny and won’t get us sued, we’ll most likely feature it at the site.  And don’t forget to include the address to your blog or website, so we can link back at ya.  Thanks!

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