Guest Mock: People Who Share A Last Name With A Famous Celebrity

Today we have a very funny guest mock from our pal John Meeks. You can connect with John at Twitter, right here.  Enjoy!

Dear Mr./Ms. “I’m Offended That You Asked Me If I Was Related To The Big Celebrity With Whom I Share A Last Name:”

First off, it’s cool as fuck that you have a common name with Brad Pitt.  Maybe you’ve never looked into it.  He may be right down the branch from your dirty cousin, Erick.  The one you only see every other year at the family reunion.  He always sits off by himself and people try to avoid conversation about “the incident.”  You probably have no idea what’s going on with that end of the family.  Mr. Pitt may send those guys an annual Christmas card with a family picture of he, his big, lipped wife and their adopted Asia-babies.  Just think of all of the great stories about boning Ms. Jolie and making stir fry with the kids you are missing.  Just ask.

Come on, Ms. Winehouse, how many of you are around anyway?  I’ve never heard of one of you before, well, you know…her.  Yeah, she’s jacked up and all, but that don’t make you a bad person.  Make up some stories about the time y’all went out and ate crack rock whole.  It’d be more interesting than telling me about the gritty country-fried steak you had at Folks last night…alone…again.

And seriously, your name IS John Travolta.  What do you expect?  Really.  Everybody knows your aren’t the “real thing.”  I mean, you are a Sears appliance salesman.  Do you give all of your potential customers the stink-eye when they make a dumbass Grease reference?  And what do you mean you’ve never seen Pulp Fiction?  God, you are a drain.  I just wanted to make small talk that day we met at the food court.  If you hate your name so much, scratch it off your name tag, dickhead.

Thank you for your consideration-

Ricky Lee Christ