How to End an Email Like a Pro

2009 June 25
by mockers

emailA day rarely goes by when some stranger doesn’t stop me on the street, and says, “Excuse me sir, could you tell me how to end an email or internet forum post like a pro?”  I can see all of you out there shaking your heads in agreement.  It’s one of life’s universal truths, isn’t it?

Well, I don’t really have the energy to go into every tiny detail here, but I’ll be glad to share a few pointers.  Listed below are some of my current favorite email-enders which cause me to stand out from the crowd, and get me noticed as a seasoned professional.

I hope this information proves to be valuable.

‘Nuff said. It means your preceding comment was so awesome there’s no need for further discussion.  Some say it’s a little arrogant, but I disagree.  I don’t believe there’s anything arrogant about knowing how awesome you are, and sharing it with as many people as possible.  I mean, it’s almost an obligation.  Right?  We owe it to the world.

Good times. This one has an appealing ironic edge to it.  It’s what two old-timers might say while reminiscing about days gone by.  “Good times…” he added, wistfully. And there’s nothing cooler and hipper than making fun of the common folk.  It makes you appear smarter and more with-it.  If you can somehow work in a dig at church, Members Only jackets, and parmesan cheese in a shakeable container, so much the better.

Just sayin’. Not “just saying,” but “just sayin’.”  The missing g makes all the difference.  This is one of the freshest email-enders going today.  It mimics a phrase used by young people, after uttering something edgy.  It also has the power to elevate questionable statements. For instance:  “Your mother is a well-known whore and penis-puffer.  Just sayin’.”  See how it works?  Without that magic ending, the preceding phrase might’ve seemed coarse and off-putting.

Don’t get me started. Works great when you can’t think of anything else to say.

Peace. This one succeeds on a couple of levels.  It functions as irony:  peace, maaaaan.  And mocking the hippie-types never goes out of style.  But it also conveys a sense of social awareness, and general righteousness.  Be warned, however:  righteousness can cause some to desire strongly to kick you full in the genitalia.  As many times as possible.

LOL!! This means Laugh Online, or Laughing, Oh shit, can’t stop Laughing!  It illustrates to the virtual world that you’re laughing at your own joke.  And people love that.  Try it in real life:  make a funny and immediately follow it up with exuberant, screaming, open-mouthed laughter.  If you use the LOL closing to an email, people will react exactly as they do face-to-face!

I’ve also been testing a few other closers, including “A, B, C-ing ya!” “I’m out, bitches,” and the classic “Toodle-oo,” but don’t have enough data to confidently recommend them yet.

What email/forum post closing statements do you suggest?  Have you ventured into the custom-made closings yet?  Something you built by yourself?  If so, we’d be interested in hearing them.

Let us know how you handle email closings, in the comments section below.  And I’ll see you guys next time…

Gotta boogie.

15 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 June 25
    kristin permalink

    About 30 seconds ago, I got a text from a potential date that ended in LOL. So much for that…

  2. 2009 June 25
    kristin permalink

    BTW – Farrah Fawcett’s dead. just sayin’

  3. 2009 June 25

    LOL means Laughing Out Loud.

    Please RTFM

  4. 2009 June 25
    Bill in PA permalink

    Later, dude.

  5. 2009 June 25

    The traditional letter:
    Dear Sir, I object strongly to the letters on your programme. They are clearly not written by the general public and are merely included for a cheap laugh. Yours sincerely etc., William Knickers (Mrs.)

    The new grey-matter-challenged way:
    Yo-Yo dat be bein’ turd-low, bro!
    peace out…

    So as you can see it is better to begin with the classics.
    and now…

  6. 2009 June 25
    Erica permalink

    “Holla!” is a good one if you wanna leave your audience wondering what do next. “should I answer back to that or leave it alone” I’ve also seen “dueces” which conveys the rapid pounding of the chest two times and then putting your hand in a peace sign to signal a goodbye.

  7. 2009 June 25
    Valerie permalink

    LOL = Laugh Out Loud…. Just sayin’

  8. 2009 June 25

    Wrong. It means laughing out a lung. Sheesh.

  9. 2009 June 25
    Ken Pasco permalink

    Nice post.

    Hasta la vista, baby

  10. 2009 June 25
    Knucklehead permalink

    God DAMN I hate LOL, ROTFL, etc….


  11. 2009 June 25
    Limey permalink

    BTW – Michael Jackson dead too? just sayin’

  12. 2009 June 25
    kristin permalink

    Limey – beat me to it.

    Who wants to have a contest? I say time of death: 9pm tonight

  13. 2009 June 25
    kristin permalink

    Well crap. I thought he was still in a coma.

  14. 2009 June 25
    Joe T. permalink

    Michael AND Farrah? LOL!

  15. 2009 June 30

    Wez outta here beeotches!!!

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