How to Maximize Your Earnings at a Fundraiser Car Wash

2009 September 9
by mockers


Car washes are a popular fundraising choice for school bands, youth clubs, sports teams, church groups, etc.  And they’re popular for a good reason:  they work!

Every year millions of dollars are collected for worthy causes via car washing events, and that’s certainly a positive.  However, poor management decisions can cause groups to take-in far less than is possible.  Our analysis indicates that as much as 35% is routinely left “on the table.”

Organizers of car washes are often inexperienced, and unaware of simple, but powerful optimization techniques that can send their collections soaring!

To help remedy this situation, we’ve listed below a few brief tips almost guaranteed to make your next event an unparalleled success.  These are just general tip-of-the-iceberg suggestions, but are things that many organizers overlook.

Boys If at all possible, you shouldn’t have any at your car wash.  Boys, especially those between the ages of ten and fifteen, are bad for business.  On account of the douchery.

Remember, you’ll be relying on drive-by traffic, and if motorists spot a bunch of jackasses shoving each other, throwing sponges, talking in a British accent, and bucking their teeth way out, they’ll just keep on driving.

If there’s no way to avoid the inclusion of boys, try to keep them out of sight, and assigned to jobs where they can’t do much harm.  Whatever you do, don’t put any boys in charge of a hose, because they’ll inevitably shove the entire nozzle down someone’s underwear, and contribute to your 35% loss in funds.

Girls Our research indicates that this is the way to go.  Drive-by traffic responds to teen girls more favorably than boys.  Oh, they can be irritating as well, what with their exaggerated laughter, slow-motion hugging, and creaking door voices.  But there’s something about a wet teenage girl in tight, skimpy clothing that will sometimes cause a person to overlook what might otherwise annoy.

However… it’s important to put some thought into the jobs assigned to each person.  We’ve outlined a few pointers:

Cheerleader types with large always-in-motion breasts should hold the FREE CAR WASH signs above their heads, out on the street.  They should wear bikini tops and shorts, and jump up and down a lot.  Jumping up and down, according to our research, is key.

Girls who look good from a distance, but have “issues” up-close (bug-eyes, needle-noses, open cash register underbites, all their facial features packed tight in a three inch square…) should be allowed to wash cars with big soapy sponges.  At least fifty yards from traffic.

Volunteers who are often described as “nice,” can work on the tires, or scrub bugs off headlights.  Whatever.

Please note:  if there are any boys around, don’t allow them inside the cars.  Teenage boys often don’t have a complete handle on their personal hygiene, and you’ll find yourself fielding customer complaints about “a faint smell of farts, semen, and Pizza Pockets.”

There are plenty of other proven techniques for ratcheting up car washing success, but these will get you moving in the right direction.

If you have additional tips or suggestions, please leave them for other members of the fundraising community at the comments link below.

Good luck in all your future endeavors!

4 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 September 9

    … and that is why I got to the Hooters car wash events. Lots of windows on my SUV. Darlin, can get that spot of the sun roof there!

  2. 2009 September 9

    I prefer my car washed by eighteen year old college girls. Then I can invite them over and be nice to them. Then, I can write about it in my blog. Have you read my blog?

  3. 2009 September 10
    CBS permalink

    More on this subject.

  4. 2009 September 11
    kristin permalink

    I have to disagree about the boys. Then again, the local high school boy’s swim team just held a car wash. Wearing nothin’ but swim trunks. I may be biased.

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