Kids these days are unique!

2009 June 19
by mockers
I know the by-line says “by Mockers” but I didn’t put it there and I’m too dumb to fix it.  This one’s a Friday Guest Mock by our pal Skully.  So do me a favor and imagine it says “by Skully”.  Also, if you have something you’re itching to mock, send it to mockable[at] Needless to say, we reserve the right to approve or reject all submissions – but it’s extremely likely we won’t exercise that right.  Exercising makes me all sweaty and gross.  Anyway, get busy mockin’!

My sag conforms to the standards of the noncomformity crowd
My sag conforms to the standards of the noncomformity crowd

 Now here’s Skully: 

“Dress for success” or whatever you want to be, is a good rule to follow.
It looks like kids these days are mostly hoping to be very fat at some point. I cannot deny the logic and financial forethought of buying huge clothes so that when the desired goal of complete fatness is reached, one will be able to maintain the same wardrobe.
This negates the problem of constantly having to purchase larger attire with each step toward the massive goal, or goal of massiveness.
There is another benefit inherent in wearing huge clothes. Daily practice for living with only one hand. I always see them waddling down the street as if they are already hugely obese, with their pants coming dangerously close to hitting the pavement. All the while they are holding on to the aforementioned giant garb for dear life.
They then are completely prepared if, by some unfortunate accident, they were to loose a hand or arm because they functionally only have one hand available for daily living now as long as they are dressed.
The thing that is really amazing is the self esteem and confidence they have in themselves to risk the potential for public mocking. After all the trend of wearing gigantic pants was created in correctional institutions so that willing poofter pole sitters could be readily identified.
I think it probably comes down to the practice of conforming with non-conformity that has been prevalent throughout recent history. Especially since the 50s and 60s when the most popular and mimicked non-conformists turned it into an art form.
Now we have lovely “Wednesday Adams” kids, the fat wannabe kids and a host of little groups of lookalike gaytards putting all their combined energy into becoming the coolest quarter inch ball bearing in the gigantic quarter inch ball bearing factory.
As you have probably heard before; Remember kids, you are completely unique. Just like everyone else…you silly twits.

Skully appears courtesy of  He also writes for  Hmn…busy guy…I’d never thought of only writing for gravy-based sites…but now that I have – it makes a lot of sense…

8 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 June 19
    Alan Langley permalink

    Jay Gay wears his pants sagging low like that so it is easier for Mutton to kiss his butt.

  2. 2009 June 19
    Kevindust permalink

    Man, it smells like balls in here.

    Oh, hi Alan.

  3. 2009 June 19
    kristin permalink

    just watched two of these unique individuals walk by me. couldn’t stop myself from laughing at every one-handed hitch.

  4. 2009 June 19
    Alan Langley permalink

    Sorry Kevindust. My balls get really sweaty after you leave for work and I drive pipe on your wife. I know I should wash them, or at least wipe the sweat off with your pillow, but the smell drives the ladies mad. They can’t resist my musk.

    Posted from Kevindust’s house,

    Alan Langley

  5. 2009 June 19
    Linda permalink

    I saw one of these guys trying to run while holding up his pants with one hand. It looks like they have a load in their pants.

  6. 2009 June 19


    It’s OK that you didn’t change the name of the poster, it merely harkens back to (I believe, but it could have been “Help!”) “A Hard Days Night” Where a reporter asks George if they are Mod or Rockers…He says “We’re MOCKERS”
    Case closed. No foul.

  7. 2009 June 20
    Phil Jett permalink

    Now this is mocking!

  8. 2009 June 26

    I saw a fella once who couldn’t get out of his car ’cause his pants were so low. These idiots earned a good mocking!

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