Lakr Wednesday: A Delicate Subject in Your Mouth

This mock is for any guy that has ever refused a blow job. Seriously…what the fuck.

I was talking to a “friend” the other day and he was being somewhat ungentlemanly, and giving details of his female date/conquest. So anyway he says, after much mashing and heavy-petting on her couch, she was heading south on the old treasure trail, and he stopped her.

After staring him down for at least 10 seconds like he was wearing an ascot made of turds (©JK), I asked him, what the fuck was his malfunction. His reply was “It just didn’t seem right.” Trying to decide between shattering his nose across his face or merely choking him out, prevented me from doing anything aggressive. Who the fuck does this guy think he is…refusing a blowjob!?!?!

Through 2 score plus years, I don’t think I have EVER turned down a BJ. Even in the most dire circumstances, the hummer wins out. Allow me to illustrate….

When I lived in San Francisco, I had started seeing this gal who was at the end of a failed relationship. We had a fling for about a month before she moved to Los Angeles, and it was great. When she came back up to SF to get the rest of her stuff from the old boyfriend’s place, I agreed to help her (she was afraid because the old BF was a dick) and we rented a U-Haul. During packing there was a tense moment there with the old BF, but I stood him down and won some huge alpha-male points. This, evidently, got her juices flowing.

So we left SF going on the highway to Santa Cruz wanting to avoid all the traffic/bridges in the Bay Area with such a wide and cumbersome load. I had scoped it out on the map, and as we made the cut over to I-5, we were on some small, winding two-lane highway. The fog was really thick and the wind was gusty as we were climbing into the high desert plateau. It was pretty white-knuckle and tedious navigating the U-Haul.

In all of her wisdom, my passenger/lady-friend decided THAT would be the appropriate time to show her appreciation to me, and strip the loincloth off my shining armor, drop to her knees between the seats, and unleash the trouser snake for some jaw love. So add GETTING A BLOWJOB to the above hazardous conditions.

But did I turn it down??

FUCK NO I DIDN’T

There was much shifting and intense concentration. It took a little while with all the multi-tasking at hand, but I managed, and she persevered until completion. It’s a small miracle that the U-Haul didn’t wind up cartwheeling down a steep incline into a bar-ditch. And when the CHiPs showed up to the accident scene hours later, that my severed cock wasn’t laying there getting barbecued amongst her smoldering possessions. But we made it to LA unscathed, either less/full of protein.

All of this to say, I have NEVER turned down a blowjob, under even the most extreme circumstances. Shit, I would take one from Nosferatu’s sister on a swift carriage ride through Rocky Flats.

But seriously…who turns down a blowjob??