Lakr’s Offering for the Week- Scatman Dream

2011 January 27
by mockers

Today on our sister site, The West Virginia Surf Report, ( ) the topic was related to bizarre dreams. I decided to dig this one up, a recollection of a dream I had when I fell asleep on the couch watching “The Shining.” Bizarre, but somewhat entertaining…enjoy.

This is not made up…

I dreamt that I was back in my old neighborhood in Clintonville OH, circa 2000…lots of old 2 story duplexes standing side by side. It was a hot summer day, and I was sitting on my front steps sunning myself, when I noticed an extremely hot blonde that was apparently babysitting some kids a couple of houses up. She was wearing a bikini top and jogging shorts, as she and the kids were playing with a beach ball. She noticed me noticing her, and when the beach ball came rolling close to me before coming to rest against the curb, she came over to retrieve it. With her back to me, she very deliberately shifted her shorts in such a way that when she bent over to pick up the ball, she exposed her pretty pink bunghole to me, then looked over her shoulder and smiled. I interpreted this as a subtle invitation to get in the game.

So after knocking the ball around a little bit, the kids seemed to disappear somewhere, and she looked at me and said “let’s go somewhere.” I said “where do you want to go??” to which she replied “somewhere we can be alone.” I looked back over my shoulder at my house and she said “your wife is in there” and then grabbed my hand and led me down the street. “These people are hardly ever home” she said as we went to the back door and barged into a complete stranger’s home. She was right, there was no one there, and she went to the downstairs bedroom which had a college guy apartment feel about it, with 3 beds in one room. She promptly stripped and sat on the corner of one bed, a twin mattress on the floor, in full bloom before me.

Without haste I began to probe her orifices in a manner she found pleasurable, and as always in a dream, when she began to reciprocate orally, you could hear someone unlocking the front door. We retreated to the adjoining bathroom and locked the door, where she dropped to her knees and got right back to business. I locked the bathroom door and tried my best just to concentrate on the BJ at hand. I then heard footsteps approaching and someone attempted to open the bathroom door. After a few tries, I heard them walk away.

“What are we going to do??” I said. She pulled me out of her mouth long enough to say “I don’t know” before going right back at it. The pressure was too great…I couldn’t enjoy this blowjob given the situation, and I said “let’s get out of here.” She reluctantly relinquished my unit, and we reclothed ourselves and snuck to the front door. Just when I thought we had made it without being detected, an exotic looking, older Asian couple wearing vintage 40’s clothing appeared and asked what we were doing. I gave some half-baked excuse that we were friends with the people that used to live there, and had let ourselves in before realizing they didn’t live there anymore. They very graciously accepted this crap of an answer, and I thought I was home free.

When walking up the street back towards my house with my newfound sex-toy, I was drawing looks of scorn from my neighbors. It was as if we had been in a fishbowl the whole time, and the entire neighborhood was able to watch our sex-capade. A feeling of shame sunk in as I got closer to my house, wondering if my wife had been part of the audience.  My new friend kissed me on the cheek and said “let’s finish later” before she scampered off. I gingerly walked in the front door of my house, but it was empty. After such a stressful adventure, I felt the need to retire to the basement for some smoke-um.

When I got to the bottom of my basement stairs, the basement had been transformed into my basketball locker room from high school…it was empty. Mind you, my Dad was my basketball coach in high school, and I noticed his office door was closed. “Get in here!!” I heard my father’s voice shout from inside the office, and that sense of being in trouble I had felt so many times before resurfaced. When I entered the office, it was not my father seated behind the desk, but Scatman Crothers (mind you I fell asleep watching “The Shining”…I swear I’m not making this up.) “I seen you and that girl, what you was doin’ in that house” he shouted. “You was doin’ it!!” He then proceeded to pull out his dick, and start fucking the air. “Oh yeah!! You was doin’ it!!”

Appropriate for “Clinton”-ville, I tried to explain that I didn’t have sexual relations with her, that we had merely traded favors. “Naw naw!! I seen it, you was doin’ it!!!” Scatman shouted as he became more animated with his gyrations, his penis becoming more erect.  Unable to handle the surreal weirdness of the situation any longer, I burst from the office and went back up the basement stairs. The door leads to the kitchen, where I found my wife boiling pasta in a large pot.

“Hey!! What’s going on??” I asked her anxiously.”Nothing, just making dinner” she said, seeming none the wiser of the insane sexual madness that had just transpired for me. The feeling of relief I had was so great it must have woke me from my sleep, where I sat up on the couch and realized that it was all just a fantastic, intensely strange dream.

Yeah…I think I might need some help. XO- lakr

11 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 January 27
    Valenting permalink

    You should write romance novels. You’d be the next Barbara Cartland.

  2. 2011 January 27
    Vicki permalink

    Some of the sex dreams I have embarrass me even. I can’t imagine what other people would think if I told.

  3. 2011 January 27
    metten permalink

    Yes please.

  4. 2011 January 27

    This story has hung around for years, & inspired this recent GIF:

  5. 2011 January 28
    Stagolee permalink

    Look at Scatman’s imdb pimp moneyclip.

    He was doing it.

  6. 2011 January 28
    SC Scott permalink

    It’s about time someone posted a sex dream! I read thru over a hundred comments at Jeff’s sight and nary a one. I’m gonna read it again, this time reeeeaaalll slow.

  7. 2011 January 31
    metten permalink

    I actually have something, so please keep checking back…I just need people to stop freaking out on me…I guess the storm of the century is coming.

  8. 2011 January 31
    metten permalink

    Jeez…everyone freaks out over a couple of feet of snow…hope to see you kids tomorrow…

  9. 2011 February 17
    Clare permalink

    Blow Job Schmo Job. I, too make fun. And Mock when necessary: After tripped upon this site and read a few of the mocks. My only question is, Where are the women? Where are their voices? Is this an all man BJ wishing station?
    Are the women around here going to take that sitting down? Or are they brought to their
    Knees ????????? I am sorry, but what good is a blow job? Especially without love and understanding? Brains can expand to higher senses of sexual intimacy. Are
    You guys going to continually think that you are the conquerors of the big O universe in your own minds? ????? Its always the overweight, intelligent ones, that could really use their giant creative brains to lose that weight, eat more pussy (yeah, quit thinking that is always about you), put yourself out once and awhile for that girl that gives you a bj. She is trying to share a relationship. I ask you, why in the FUCK do you think women give BJ’s? Do you actually think that they want to feel a usually unclean piece of meat in their mouths? Usually, they must care bout the man pretty much if they do it (unless they are getting paid)(obviously you are cheap)(cant you afford a hooker?), and then find out that the man (like YOU) could care less about a woman. Or does that diminish your power of hoping that a woman will think that
    They need, want, hope, imagine that they would give anything to put their mouths on your giant
    Humongous Penis and just the size of it will make them come in their lacy pink wet panties? Wow.
    Who Ever the dream sequence was about did not even once think he should put his face in a
    Woman’s pussy in that dream Is it too demeaning? If you cannot participate , you are a self-centered bastard. How can you expect to have a true relationship, as to
    Why you are making up a dream to start with. Do you think you are the only person on this
    Overcrowded planet that has not had a sex dream? Who cares that your audience is entertained.
    Not you, evidently.
    It seems its all about “YOU”. When you guys think of women as third world mutilated sex toys. Yes, indeed, I see where it makes you think that you are “THE” man for several minutes, and then bragging
    On a fast unfulfilling power grab…..where you don’t have to do any of the work or even stretch
    Your brain to understand that women may enjoy the same. I am disappointed in the
    Women here that say, “oh, isn’t that so cute”, “you are so cool”, but, wont say what they are thinking, “you are the downtrodden Man that has been shit on by the cosmic universe, but you haven’t lost your power to
    Get a BJ of your dreams“ (NOT). Do you think that because your mind conceived it -”THEY
    Will COME to you in droves?? No wonder men do not get all the BJ’s they want from
    Their wives…or girlfriends….they are off dreaming about SOMETHING they actually have the
    Power to imagine, but never do.

  10. 2011 February 18

    Hey Clare (“sounds like a fat girl’s name” -John Bender)

    This was an interpretation of A DREAM…Jesus Christ.

    If you want to get all upset about my subconscious issues from 12 years ago, burn your bra & smoke the ashes, then go for it.

    Sincerely- lakrfool

    PS- If it will make you feel better, wash your pussy & I will eat you out.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Tweets that mention Lakr’s Offering for the Week- Scatman Dream | --

Leave a Reply

Note: You can use basic XHTML in your comments. Your email address will never be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS