My Stupid Brain and Site-related Questions

2009 September 29
by mockers

moscowSo I was driving somewhere and I just started thinking about the movie “Moscow on the Husdon” for no reason at all.  You know, critics said that this movie was “Robin Williams at his best.”  I don’t know about you, but I would rather watch two morbidly obese men tongue kissing while somebody with advanced leprosy gives me papercuts than watch Robin Williams, even at his best. 

For some reason weird stuff like that is always popping into my head.  At one point last week it was important to know what the overweight lover Heavy D was doing at that exact moment.  I had a mental picture of Dwight Errington Myers in his big white suit at the grocery store, deciding between ketchup and catsup.  I know…I’m weird. 

So anyway, nothing had happened that reminded me the movie existed.  I didn’t recently have a conversation about hairy Russian saxophone-playing guys that defect in Bloomingdale’s and then spend the next hour having a tough time adjusting to life in America or anything like that.  I just started thinking about the movie and the climate of our country at the time. 

I then thought it might be funny to write a bit where a Russian guy goes into Bloomingdale’s today and tells the clerk at the “fragrance counter” that they wish to defect. I imagined him going from person to person, declaring his defection.  Of course no one in 2009 would know what that means and he would just amble from employee to employee until he finally gives up and goes back to Russia.  It would be a much shorter movie I’ll tell you that. 

I decided that such a bit probably wouldn’t be all that funny because nobody else would get it either.  Instead, I wrote a script where Robin Williams and Heavy D were comically mismatched cops with one more day until retirement.  They go into this big skyscraper, thinking that they’re going to their retirement party only to find the place had been taken over by Romanian terrorists.  Immediately Robin Williams baffles them with his hilarious “black guy voice” and other bits that he’s been doing since the ’70’s and Heavy D challenges them to a rib-eating contest for control of the building.  I think I’m ready to send it out to agents, but I just need a title.  What would you call such a movie?

Okay, that was weird.  While I’m asking questions, I wanted to ask you guys for some feedback about the site.  I was talking to a friend a cuppa-two-tree days ago (did I use that right?) and he said that he wished our mocks were more like the very first one (  He wanted us to go out into the world and actually mock people.  I have no problem doing this when people deserve it, but I fear that it will lead to me getting my ass kicked sooner than later.  

I really enjoy doing the standard bits (Mockers fo Hire, Explanations to Aliens and open letters) but they don’t seem to be getting too much response these days.  Are the bits old?  I mean, is that possible?  We’ve done less than a thousand posts!  Robin Williams has been doing the exact same act for over 30 years. I often wonder if people would prefer it if we went after more celebrities.  What is it that you people want?  The numbers for the site are good and I’m proud of what we’ve done here, but I just want you guys to be happy *sniff*.

Also, with regard to the guest mocks –   I had hoped to get enough that we would be booked out for two months and then I was going to suggest to Jeff that we add Mondays.  Then as things continued to grow, we would add more days with guest mocks.  I am hoping that there will be a day where the daily guest mocks are posted in the morning and Jeff and I could contribute in the afternoons.  I guess what I’m saying here is that if you’re waiting for “your turn” or if you’re waiting for a while before you send another one, please just go ahead and send it.  It would be awesome if this became a community of smart-assed writers.

Okay, I have to go to actual work now, which consists of nausea, tears and general sadness.  If you’ve got the power to lift me out of here, I’d really like to hear from you.  Anyway, talk to ya’ll on Thursday.  Thanks for your input.

6 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 September 29
    Vicki permalink

    I like the site pretty much as is. More guest mocks would work–it’s interesting to see that other people suffer with the same stoopids as I do. I could write something about la Guacamaya in my office, but, you’re right, she would probably beat my ass–or worse, get me slid back down the ladder. I got one all up in my head a perking, though.

  2. 2009 September 29

    I love the site as is, as well. I have had a guest mock brewing for some time. But, I guess, I am afraid it won’t be funny. I have mock stage fright!

  3. 2009 September 29

    Didn’t Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines do something along that line? I got a job opened cleaning deer smear. It’s a big thing this time of year.

  4. 2009 September 29

    “…I would rather watch two morbidly obese men tongue kissing while somebody with advanced leprosy gives me papercuts than watch Robin Williams…”

    That is one for the hilarity archives!

    The site is great! More guest mocks would be fine, or not.

  5. 2009 September 29
    Debra permalink

    I really like this site. I wish I could write with the correct punctuation and proper English. I would be mocked myself. There are plenty of things to mock!

  6. 2009 October 2
    Zazu permalink

    I am willing to try but I got mock stage fright too. How do I know that other people will think the same things are funny?? How do I know that bad English classes – high school and college – have not turned me into an illiterate ungrammactical idiot??

    I am liking waaay OK just like it is!

Leave a Reply

Note: You can use basic XHTML in your comments. Your email address will never be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS