Six Instances Where it Would Have Been Appropriate to Tell Me That You’re A Lesbian
2009 October 5
The moment I staggered up to your table with the confidence of a guy who’d just won the “One-Eyed Jack’s shot-a-minute-twenty-minute challenge” would have been a lovely time to inform me that any efforts at pursuing a romantic encounter would be fruitless. - Shortly after I engaged you and your friend in a sloppy conversation about the Hawkeyes, although I did appreciate your muscular female friend’s willingness to let me rest my head on her shoulder. She smelled like baby powder and creatine.
- Right before the three of us left together to go to “a classier place.” I was impressed by your friend’s ability to consistently drive at three times the speed limit, but those 20 wisemen nearly escaped from my stomach on several occasions.
- I think another good time to let me know that you were not at all attracted to me or any other member of my gender would have been right before I went into the bathroom to vomit while you two enjoyed the “pay-by-the-pound lobster buffet.”
- I believe that it would have been good form for you to inform me that you were not interested in my particular brand of genital directly before you told me that it was “my turn to pay for dinner” and that “you’d get me next time.”
- At the very least it would have been polite to let me know that it wasn’t going to work out between us before you guys left me in the restaurant to pass out in the chair, only to be carried out by paramedics and police.
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“gential”? “parametics”?
OK, so maybe youse guys weren’t English majors, but there is such a thing as “Spell Check” y’know.
Rule of thumb, two chicks in a bar, one is muscle bound, the other isn’t. Likelyhood is that they might be lesbos. Stay clear. Dong-luh mah?
Swami – Sometimes perfect isn’t funny. I would have played on the words myself to include some weight training terms in place of the norms. “She smelled like baby powder and creatine.”
LMAO, this was hilarious.
Dude, you got played. Sucks to be you! 😉
I had 8 minutes to create this post – I was in a hurry, sorry. Did I mention that I once got 4th place in a spelling bee?