Some Questions About the Full Face Transplant

2009 May 11

transplantIt was a transplant, right?  Not a reconstruction?  I’m not fully versed on the story, I admit that up-front. I’ve really only read news headlines, and maybe a first paragraph here and there.  So, please excuse me if some of my presumptions are wrong.

But I have a few questions…

If it had been a reconstruction, I think I could understand it a little better.  I mean, rebuilding a human face out of spare parts can’t be easy, can it?  There’s no obvious harvestable replacement for a nose, for instance.  Sure, you could go with the big toe, and that might work at a distance.  But if you’re making a deposit at the bank, the teller is going to see the nail.  Let’s be honest.

And ears.  That’s a whole other challenge.  What could you possibly use to build a set of ears?  Vulvas?  Man, you’d have people driving into each other, and walking through plate glass windows.  Plus, are vaginal lips firm enough to support a clunky pair of sunglasses?  Somehow I doubt it.

So, if it had been a rebuilding job, I’d say well done!  It does look like a face, and apparently functions reasonably well.  But since it’s a transplant, I’d like to know why they went with that one?

mockprincipal1I’m not familiar with the process of finding a donor, so maybe there weren’t many to choose from?  Perhaps they simply didn’t have many faces on the shelf?  I don’t know.

But I find it curious that they made that poor woman look like Principal McVicker from Beavis and Butthead.  He’s a cartoon character!  Is there really a need for those enormous cheeks?  She looks like she’s been collecting acorns for the winter.

I hate to be a critic, but I think they could’ve done better.  I don’t believe they looked hard enough; I think they just went with any old face they had lying around.

mockdom1I mean, people die every day.  Seems like it would be a buyer’s market?  Maude, for instance.  She kicked-off right around the same time the surgery took place, didn’t she?  I know Bea Arthur wasn’t exactly smokin’ hot, but it would’ve been a better choice than a Mike Judge comic creation.

Or Dom DeLuise, for that matter.  Sure, he was a man (with a full beard), but just think about all the flesh they would’ve had to work with.  Bring in a team of talented seamstresses, and they could’ve worked miracles.

Of course, I don’t really know what I’m talking about.  They probably have to worry about head shape, and lining things up, and whatnot.  A woman at our local post office, for instance, will likely never be in high demand as a face donor.  On account of radical grouper-eye compatibility issues.

mocklouSo, I should probably cut ’em a break.  I have a feeling there’s more to it than just flipping through a catalog.  But if we ever get to that point, I’d like to request Lou Reed.  As my kids say, I call it!  ‘Cause I think that would be bad-ass…

What about you?  Which one would you choose from the Big Book of Snap-On Faces?

Use the comments link to call it.

10 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 May 11
    The Crotch Kid permalink

    Elvis, 1968 – the King!

  2. 2009 May 11
    Melissa permalink

    Would Megan Fox be too predictable?

  3. 2009 May 12

    If you had read a bit more, you would have known that there is a lot of tissue swelling. The woman needs many more surgeries but in a few years she will look remarkably normal.

    I like your blog, but some things just aren’t very funny ….

  4. 2009 May 12
    Melissa permalink

    And JJ, if you had any bit of a sense of humor you would have laughed your ass off like the rest of us who got the joke did. It’s ok. You can now straighten your tie and go back to your cubicle….your Star Wars figurines were wondering where you ran off to.

  5. 2009 May 12
    Rick in Ohio permalink

    My ass — your face.

    It’s been a long time since I’ve had an opportunity to say that. Wait…was this really an opportunity?

  6. 2009 May 12

    Hey Melissa, I suspect you think it is funny because her face is what you see in the mirror. Laughing at this woman is too easy.

    Mocking Rolling Stone – hilarious, the futures market update, great. My point is that the bloggers on this site are much better than just making fun of individuals.

    Of course Melissa, we could just mock you. You probably live in a trailer with a plastic Jesus on your TV …as you swill back a 12 pack of PBR each day. You probably lose count of the Hardee’s biscuits you eat vs. sell each day ….your belly probably makes Dom Deluise look like an anorexic. His dead a week skin probably looks better than yours too.

    See how easy it is to mock people?

  7. 2009 May 13
    Melissa permalink

    JJ, I’ll just mock the fact that not only is your mocking completely inaccurate, but it also reeks of your past childhood aspirations.
    I will also mock the fact that for not finding the humor in not only this mocking, but also the Rolling Stones one, it is curious that you continue to check in on a daily basis. That, my friend, is mockable indeed.

  8. 2009 May 15
    Sven permalink

    I agree as a huge fan of this site and WVSR – this wasn’t very funny at all.

  9. 2009 May 19

    Hopefully she will get more adjustments to her surgery. I am sure it is better than having no face at all?

  10. 2009 May 31

    This one had me in a state of piss shiver, remembering the “Dial-A-Curse” routine from the old National Lampoon Radio Hour (1973).

    “As to his or her face, suffice it to say, since it occupied the front of his or her face, it must be a face.”

    This photograph horrified me, terribly, insensitively, for at least a day, while it seemed to pop up like those dancing Mortgage ads, on even the most prestigious websites. Gradually, however, conscientiousness kicked in with the simple, rational observation, “what must the pour soul looked like before.”

    And, indeed, on one of the science website there was featured a literal mug shot of this ravaged individual. She was a much worse mess before this addition of a literal death mask, missing most of her nose and upper palette. I can’t say whether it is a commentary on the culture or quite what, really, but I was less horrified by her original appearance than this “reconstruction.”

    I’ll leave it to others to decide what that might mean.

Leave a Reply

Note: You can use basic XHTML in your comments. Your email address will never be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS