Sorry and shit…
2011 May 25
I am dealing with tornadoes. Despite the fact that I love him and his sister very much, Lakr is an unreliable dickwad. Tomorrow’s not looking good either. So will you do me a favor and tell me a story about your mockable “first times?” For example, the first time I got drunk was on cherry wine at a junior high dance. I stumbled around and acted like an asshole…so it’s pretty much just like it is now.
Sirens are going off and people are yelling at me, so I gotsta go. Again, like…sorry and shit.
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It’s true.
Best Regards,
Unreliable Richard Wadd Esq.
Keep your head down, my friend. Maybe you should reconsider burying that steel shipping container in the side yard. Or, you know, moving to a place with a fucking hill every mile or so.
Good thoughts your way.
I remember my first job in an Arizona mental hospital. There was an asshole that worked with me, named Pete. One day it went like this:
Me: I’d like to drive her out to Area 51 and fuck her brains out.
Pete: I think someone beat you to the fucking her brains out part. Have you heard her talk? Fucking slur is more like it. And she smells like piss.
Me: Fuck you, Pete, you’re a shitcock. What would you smell like if you had electroshock therapy twice a day for 9 months?
Pete: I don’t know man. It just seems like you always pick the wrong ones.
Me: (clear!) Oh God. I think she shat herself again. I’ll clean her up, Pete. You go take care of the next one.
I was fired when they caught me fucking slurmomma’s unanimated body in the bathroom. I had to switch to something where you could get away with fucking your customers. So I went with taxidermy.
There’s something wrong with you fuckers…
Hey…at least we got Caveboy…I hope we’re back to normal next week. Thanks for hanging in there guys.
Does rain come with those tornadoes or do they just blow shit away? It’s drier than my Grandmother’s 90 year old vagina down here in the fine state of Georgia.