Stupid is as Stupid…Well, the Guy in Front of Me at the Checkout was Stupid

2009 December 29
by mockers

There’s a controversy going on in the state that I currently call home.  The credit card companies have announced their intention to increase the “swipe fees” imposed on stores by credit card companies.  If you’re not familiar with swipe fees, they amount to a small percentage of the total purchase that the card companies tack on for the privilege of using their product.  The issue has gotten quite a bit of press as retailers have gone to the state legislature for help – asking for caps on the amount of swipe fees the credit card companies can impose.  They have also  purchased advertising that claims that all prices will go up because the stores have to cover the increased cost of the swipe fees somehow. Apparently deducting the cost from the store’s profits or the shareholder’s returns is not an option.

So I was in the checkout line at a local discount store (whose logo looks like a cartoon butthole) and the guy in front of me told the cashier that “I wanna use my Visa but don’t swipe it, type in the numbers with your finners.”  Then he wanted the cashier to deduct the “swipe fees” from the total cost of his purchase because he didn’t “swipe” his card.  She didn’t understand swipe fees, or the English language…or the basic practices of dental hygiene – but she did as she was told.  She typed in the numbers and processed the charge…then his side of the screen prompted him to sign for the purchases.  Of course, the man refused to sign the touchscreen because then they would “have” his signature.

I began to sigh loudly.  He finally took a break from arguing with the small Pakistani woman to ask if I had a problem.  I said, “Why don’t you just sign with an ‘X’ and get it over with?”

“Why don’t you mind your own goddamned business?” Asked the man as he marked an ‘X’ on the screen.

“Yeah, sorry man,” I replied, knowing that he would soon be out of my life forever.  Thank God he made sure he did his part to fight the evil credit card companies and circumvent the “swipe fees”…dumbass.

One Response leave one →
  1. 2009 December 30
    clintcurtis permalink

    “Swipe fees” Hey, I know it’s the 2000s, but “back in the day” the loan sharks just called it “the vig.” Funny thing is, that if you go back 30 or 40 years, the oraganized crime guys getting sent up the river for loan sharking were charging less than some of the higher priced credit cards are charging today. On a most trivial, yet kinda interesting way, the crime of loansharking is known as “Usery.” I found out in a real estate course years ago that “usery” goes both ways. You can get sent up the river, to the Jeff Kay trademarked, “pound me in the ass Federal Penitentiary” just as quickly for charging over the Federal mandated interest rate as you can for giving someone a loan and charging UNDER an interest rate prescribed by the Feds. So…it’s kind of true, a good deed never goes unpunished.

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