The Unfuck Metten Store

Hey Everybody.  What’s going on?  If you’re here, you probably know that I’m fucked.  If you don’t know why I am fucked and you’d like to know, you should probably friend me on facebook and ask in a private message.  It’s super secret shit.  Either way, I am glad you’re here…’cause I need money to help me get unfucked, so I am selling profanity-laced crap.  I also have lightly-censored crap in case you want to suggest profanity, but still gain access to Wal-Mart.

The logo was done by the good people at Ucube Studio. They take care of all my logo needs because they are awesome, affordable and faster than Walt Flanagan’s dog.  Ask for Julie Scott and tell her the loud American sent you.

Now, I don’t know if it’s because they are British or because they are decent, non-filthy people, but they had trouble getting their giant brains around my little logo.  The conversation went like this:

"...we do not know the real purpose of the logo. When you say 'UnFuck', do you mean to rectify, as into undo something negative? Does it mean somebody has wronged Metten and this logo is to put things right? This is the kind of info we need to get a feel for what you want to portray - please elaborate a little for us?"

Yeah, those guys make me laugh.  So anyway, I am really up against it here and every dollar counts, so please do me a favor and buy some of this crap.  I bought the t shirts from an online source and can not vouch for their quality.  They could catch on fire the minute you put them on for all I know.  If that happens, please don’t sue me…I have enough problems.  You know…being fucked and all.

Uncensored Tee – $16.00 Tax and Shipping Included

Tell all your friends and neighbors about your valiant efforts to unfuck me.  This shirt is particularly hilarious if we’ve had sex at one point or another. Please indicate your desired sizes in the comments.  Available in S, M, L, XL, and XXL – please add $2.00 for XXL

Click here for S, M, L, XL

Click here for XXL

Censored Tee – $17.00 Tax and Shipping Included

I am not kidding. You’re paying an extra dollar for the asterisks.  Please indicate your desired sizes in the comments.  Available in S, M, L, XL, and XXL – please add $2.00 for XXL 

Click here for S, M, L, XL

Click here for XXL

The Classic Unfucked Sticker – $2.00 Tax and Shipping Included

You could totally put this sticker on your math book and really piss off  Mr. Cervetti.  I looked up the dimensions and it said 1.5″ x 1.5″.  I didn’t really question that until just now when I realized it was a circle.  I think you can pretty much assume it’s 1.5″ in diameter, but who the hell knows.  Just don’t sue me.  I know I’d pay $2 for an extra 1.5″.  You can thank me for waiting this long to make a dick joke.  Comes with a sincere post-it note thank you. 

There is more stuff to come as I look for cheap, yet slightly useful crap to help you remember the time you unfucked me.  I will mail everything USPS unless you have some special need.  It will probably take a couple of weeks to get things to you…especially if you’re in Uzbekistan or someplace equally far from me.  I promise I will do my best.  Thanks for your help in unfucking me.