We ask again…will you please knock it off?

Really?

 I don’t watch any reality TV shows, but they have saturated the mediasphere to the point that I know more about them than I need to know. Or want to know. For example, I have heard that Kate and Jon are having tough times. Just having that knowledge makes my brain want to vomit.

 And I am suspicious of people that watch reality TV shows (which I guess makes me suspicious of just about 50% of the planet). I am of the firm opinion that people who watch reality TV shows are on medication. And I’m not talking about aspirin or Viagra.

 I just don’t get it.

 The dramatic reality TV shows are just like regular dramatic TV shows only with bad actors and low production values. Brad is in love with Jenny but Jenny slept with Adrian. Adrian has a drug problem so he is sometimes nice to Jenny but sometimes real mean. Brianna is just sick of the whole thing and wants to get away. Blah, blah, blah.

 The survival reality TV shows are really just regular game shows disguised as “But we’re doing it live alligators!” Look, if you can’t survive with a camera crew and a production crew following you around, then you are probably not a survivor. You probably don’t even have a job. Or you have a pretend job like personal fitness trainer or Off-Broadway actor.

 And don’t even get me started on “The Bachelor” or whatever. Or that Donald Trump show. C’mon! You’re spending quality time watching Donald Trump? Why not just watch the channel that shows a fireplace? You’ll watch anything!

 There are only three reasons that I can think of to watch a reality TV show:

 1) A family member or friend is on the show.

 2) You are searching for some soft porn because you don’t have cable.

 3) That’s it. There are actually only two reasons.

 Right now, as you read this mock, Hollywood is developing a reality TV show that follows a family that only watches reality TV shows. They will argue about which reality TV show is the most real, they will have battles over the remote control, and the final episode of Season 4 will have Dad and Mom getting divorced and taking legal action over who gets the DVD box set of “Fear Factor”. This is the only logical extension to the current reality TV show glut. Once this happens, civilization will end as we know it. Armageddon.

 Please stop. I’m beggin’ you.