We’re All Going to F**king Die!!!

I have three mocks in the que in various stages of completion:

The first is a clear statement of my position with regard to the word “retard.”  I touched on the subject once during a previous mock, but I never quite said how I really felt.  Let’s just say that it is a good word that has been co-opted by some very bad people.  I seem to be one of the few left that are willing to fight for this word and the upcoming mock is the beginning of that battle.  Prepare to take your retard back!

The second mock discusses the things that hijack my brain.  For example, a few days ago I watched a tiny little thought about David “Puck” Rainey fly by the screen in my head.  Even at the height of his fame this guy was a hemorrhoid on the asshole of society…17 years later and I can only hope the gay mafia finally did him in.  I certainly shouldn’t have wasted any of the precious little time I have left on this planet (I am a fat diabetic alcoholic ex-smoker with sarcoidosis (among other things)) thinking about him…or anyone else from the 1994 season of the “television phenomenon” that is most likely responsible for starting all this “reality television” bullshit.  Due to various mental deficiencies,   my brain forced me to spend an hour and 45  minutes catching up with the cast of the third season of MTV’s The Real World .  If I have to put up with it, I am taking you people down with me.

Finally, I am going to try to work up the courage to do the self-mock about the time that I nearly crippled myself for life while masturbating.  The short version is that I was sitting in an office chair and nearly exploded every single one of my abdominal muscles. I was locked up in a terribly compromising position, trying to manage the pain and thinking frantically for a credible story to tell the paramedics.   It should be a wonderful read for my mother and the people I went to high school with.

Of course, I can’t do any of these things at the moment because of the “storm of the century®.”  Of course, it is only the “storm of the century®” because the weatherslut said it was.  I don’t even think we’ve had an inch of accumulation yet.  But now I can’t even write what I was going to write about it because I have to go talk to someone really important about “the storm of the century®.”  Sorry guys…let’s try again tomorrow.

Love,

metten