Why You Gotta Player Hate on ig-88?

I just considered typing the following phrase into a serious academic effort, “If this assertion is to be believed, there would be little to no crime in the petrified forest of Lesbos.”  I think I might need a couple hours of sleep.

Here’s a facebook conversation I had yesterday:

9:50pmNathan

can i get an opinion on something

9:50pmMetten

Whether or not you should use punctuation? Yes, you should.

9:50pmNathan

is this worth it or not

i run a lot, and i was thinking about getting nike+ (with a new ipod)

9:51pmMetten

Sure…if that’s your thing

9:54pmNathan

damn jason, i wanted a yes or no

9:54pmMetten

Okay, then no. Buy one of those vagina-in-a-flashlight things.

9:55pmNathan

i haven’t seen that

9:55pmMetten

Evidently it’s called (WARNING, LINK NSFW) “the fleshlight”

9:56pmNathan

nice

9:57pmMetten

“it looks light a flashlight, but feels like a vagina” I wish I had such a gift for writing copy – I wonder if there’s some point in the lives of all fleshlight owners where they realize that they’re fucking a flashlight and start sobbing uncontrollably?

9:57pmNathan

i love it

9:58pmMetten

“runner up, the butt fleshlight!”

9:58pmNathan

ha ha ha

9:59pmMetten

and at $64.95, you’ve cut your recreational spending in half!

9:59pmNathan

It really resembles an anus and what’s great is that it looks inconspicuous compared to the other anal toys I’ve used — with and without my wife.” he used anal toys with his wife?

10:00pmMetten

“Here honey! watch me assfuck this flashlight!”

10:00pmNathan

ha ha ha. i could see it happening

10:01pmMetten

so yeah, no. Don’t buy the Garmin. Stay home and fuck a flashlight for exercise. You’re welcome and glad I could help.

What did you guys do last night?

I share this because I found the conversation funny and I thought you might too.  Unfortunately, mockable seems to be going down the shitter pretty fast and I can’t conceive of any way to save it.  I have written more, I have written less.  I have written better, I’ve used more guest mocks.  I’ve asked Jeff for more (this whole thing was his idea btw) and even tried to follow that asshole Jauncho’s advice.  I thought it might help if I encouraged you to write your own mocks in the comments about the type of person that would insert their penis into a flashlight…because that’s in the “make your humor site more popular for dummies” manual.